NFL Week 17: New Year's resolutions
Joe Burrow and Ja'Marr Chase continue to set records, Kyler Murray continues to own JerryWorld, and Antonio Brown continues to bring out the worst in everyone (mostly himself).
The NFL rang in the new year with quite the eventful 15-game Sunday. Antonio Brown’s antics received the most attention, but elsewhere, a few players set records, several teams clinched postseason spots (and/or division titles), and at least a couple games looked like playoff previews. If the league’s goal for 2022 was to keep things interesting, well so far, so good.
I’ve never been one to make my own New Year’s resolutions, though I have no problem if others want to set their own. And I have no problem coming up with suggestions for anyone else.
On that note, I’m going to look at who in the NFL appeared to make a New Year’s resolution — and who probably needs to (there’s still time!).
Who made a New Year’s resolution
The Bengals, who didn’t want to be known as the Bungles anymore
Almost every year, one team goes from worst to first in its division. This past summer, I laid out why each of the eight candidates could accomplish that feat in 2021. Here’s part of what I said about the Bengals and their “sneaky-great group of young receivers”:
With a healthy Burrow and Joe Mixon back in the fold, the Bengals should be able to put up points in 2021. Their additions on defense are less of a sure thing — maybe Trey Hendrickson can replicate his 13.5-sack season in Cincinnati and maybe Chidobe Awuzie can bounce back from an injury-shortened 2020 — but if they pan out, then Burrow and the offense won’t have to shoulder most of the load.
While it’s still an uphill battle for the Bengals to challenge for the division crown, they could be better than expected in 2021. And if the Browns, Ravens, and Steelers cannibalize each other, then the Bengals could be ready to pounce.
That was pretty accurate, though Hendrickson has *14* sacks so far this season (and we can ignore what I said about most of the other teams on that list). But I didn’t really start believing in the Bengals until they took down the Ravens in Week 7. Cincinnati rewarded my faith by losing to the Jets in Mike White’s only good game and then getting blown out by the Browns, starting a stretch in which it alternated between two-game losing streaks and winning streaks.
In those losses, the Bengals channeled their inner Bungles and couldn’t get out of their own way. However, another win over the Ravens last week got them within striking distance of their first AFC North title since 2015. All they needed to do was beat the back-to-back AFC champs who were riding an eight-game winning streak.
I didn’t have a ton of confidence that the Bengals could rise to the occasion and topple the Chiefs. Luckily, they had plenty of confidence in themselves. Joe Burrow threw for 446 yards, four touchdowns, and zero interceptions, one week after he threw for 525 yards, four touchdowns, and zero interceptions (yes, that’s a record). Ja’Marr Chase caught 11 passes for 266 yards and three touchdowns, which set a new rookie record for most receiving yards in a game and was the most ever by a Bengals receiver. The defense kept Patrick Mahomes and the KC offense out of the end zone in the second half; Mahomes had just 50 yards passing after halftime.
In retrospect, maybe I should’ve trusted Burrow more. After all, it’s been just two years since we last saw him smoking a postgame cigar and celebrating in the locker room:
Yet the history of the Bengals franchise gave me pause. We’ll see how they fare when the playoffs come around — Cincinnati hasn’t won a game in the postseason in 31 years. But I think they’ve proven themselves as a real threat to whomever they match up with later in January (and maybe it’ll be the Chiefs again).
The Cardinals, who figured out how to stop the bleeding
Once again, the Cardinals were on the verge of an epic second-half-of-the-season collapse. Even though they officially made the playoffs last week, they had dropped three in a row and could’ve become the first team to start 7-0 and then lose six games.
Instead, they got back to basics and Kyler Murray, as he has done in all his prior visits, left AT&T Stadium with a win.
First, the offense scored 25 points, a mark they had only reached once in the last six weeks. The Cardinals, who averaged more than 32 points during that 7-0 start, were putting up just 21.2 points in the eight games after.
Part of the reason for that offensive success Sunday is Murray played his best game since returning from an ankle injury he suffered in Week 8. Murray completed 26 of 38 passes for 263 yards, two touchdowns, and no interceptions with a 105.5 passer rating while adding 44 yards on the ground (most of which came on the game-icing drive). During the previous three-game slide, he had thrown just two touchdowns to three interceptions and averaged a passer rating of 76.8.
It wasn’t all Murray, though. Kliff Kingsbury got creative early on a fake punt that led to the greatest catch from a running back (a backup no less) you’ll ever see:
And it also led to the Cardinals’ first touchdown drive.
The defense came up big, too. Most notably, it forced a turnover, just its second in three games, which set up Arizona’s final field goal —the margin of victory it won by.
The Cardinals are hoping to build off this much-needed win as they head into the postseason, while the Cowboys can use it as a lesson of what they need to fix before the playoffs begin —like, say, find someone other than Mike McCarthy to manage the clock (I’m not sure how that would work exactly, but boy does he suck at it!).
All in all, it was an exciting matchup and perhaps one we’ll see again in a couple weeks. I don’t think Murray would complain about another trip to Arlington, anyway.
Odell Beckham Jr., who rediscovered his old self
In his first few seasons in the NFL, Odell Beckham Jr. was the only reason to watch the Giants. He was known mostly for his dazzling catches, clutch plays, and his dramatics. Still, it wasn’t a surprise, due to his diva-ish behavior (receiver gonna receiver) and hefty salary, when they decided to trade him to the Browns. Unfortunately, OBJ’s career in Cleveland never lived up to its promise because of injuries and yes, again, drama.
Beckham landed with the Rams a few days after his release. In his first six games with the Rams, he surpassed his receptions, passing yards, and touchdown totals from his six games with the Browns in 2021.
While Beckham’s contributions have been up and down in LA, he played all the greatest hits on Sunday, including a critical catch on fourth down and a highlight-reel game-winning touchdown:
He even threw another on-field punch (to be fair, he was clearly trying to go for the ball and completely missed). Welcome back, OBJ.
Who needs to make a New Year’s resolution
Joe Judge, please shut up
The Giants lost their fifth straight game this week to fall to 4-12. The losing streak has occurred with backup Mike Glennon under center, and the offense has averaged 123.2 net passing yards in that span.
They’ve scored 19 total points in the last three weeks, which is 10 fewer points than the Andy Dalton-led Bears put up against them on Sunday.
Afterward, Joe Judge decided it was time to share 2,614 words of verbal diarrhea with the world about how actually, things are AWESOME in their locker room and everyone wants to play for the New York Giants:
I doooon’t belieeeeeeve yooooou.
Please take a page from your old boss Bill Belichick’s book and just STOP. TALKING.
NFL fans, stop trying to diagnose Antonio Brown
Back in my old NFL editor days, I hated nothing more than covering another Antonio Brown story. It was almost never anything good, especially in his last year with the Steelers and after, and it felt like there was this trainwreck-watching fascination among fans that I never wanted to encourage.
After his sideline outburst, and shirtless exit from MetLife Stadium on Sunday, too many people felt the need to weigh in on whatever they think is wrong with him. And yeaaaaah, we shouldn’t do that:
What we don’t know: what Brown is or isn’t going through. What we do know: He shouldn’t have been playing for the Bucs in the first place. This is a guy who has gotten way too many second chances, and it’s fair to criticize the Bucs, Bruce Arians, the NFL, Tom Brady, and anyone else who has enabled him because of his talent. It’s even OK to listen to Brady, who is closer to the situation, and agree with him when he said he hopes Brown gets the help he needs. But we shouldn’t play armchair doctor, particularly when it involves someone’s mental health.
Washington, fix your stadium
There is so much wrong with the Washington franchise, and it feels futile to believe that many of their issues will ever be solved with Dan Snyder in charge.
But one thing he can do is demolish his hellhole stadium already, which has been the site of numerous QB leg injuries and has had its share of structural problems, most recently this:
Props to Jalen Hurts for not being fazed in the least, I guess.
I know Snyder is gunning for a new stadium and that comes with other problems, especially the burden it puts on the local taxpayers. Still, for the safety of everyone, we’ve gotta figure out a way to be rid of FedEx Field once and for all. — SH
Christian’s Shit List
All the things I hated in Week 17
1. Carson Wentz, who flails wildly when asked to do more than just a little
The Indianapolis Colts are 7-1 when Wentz throws fewer than 31 passes this season. The only loss in that span came Sunday afternoon, at home, against a Raiders team playing with a sense of destiny after John Madden’s passing but not a full-time head coach.
Sunday also marked the first game in which Indianapolis has lost when Jonathan Taylor runs for 100+ yards. The culprit, as you may imagine, is Wentz, a player who turns into terminal stage Brett Favre at the first sign of pressure and winds up doing shit like this:
Wentz was the league’s worst quarterback under pressure in 2020 and hasn’t improved much in 2021. Sure, he’s looked a lot better behind a strong offensive line and a run game that has lowered his blitz rate from 12 to nine per game, but deep down inside he’s still the panicky passer whose attempts to run from danger somehow only push him deeper into it.
The Raiders forced Wentz to step up and match the value of his running game and he failed. That cost his team a chance to clinch a playoff spot and starts the Colts’ playoff a week early. It’s win or go home time for Indianapolis now. If Taylor can’t carry them again, the Colts could slide their way out of the postseason.
2. The Giants, who do not want to be here and it’s difficult to blame them
Quick, guess how much time was left in the Giants-Bears game when I took this screenshot of Mike Glennon’s box score:
55 minutes? Three quarters? Halftime if Mike Glennon was having a very, very sad day?
Nope! Glennon had two completions four minutes into the fourth quarter. He finished his day with -10 net passing yards on 15 dropbacks. His entire receiving corps had fewer yards today than Antonio Brown, a guy who quit playing football altogether (?) somewhere around the third quarter of his matchup with New York’s other very sad football team.
Good god. That’s both awful and unwatchable, and it came against a team so ready to get rid of its head coach that the state of Illinois has “Fire Nagy” chants break out at his son’s high school football games. News broke last week that the Giants were going to fire general manager Dave Gettleman but keep Joe Judge and Daniel Jones on board for at least one more year. That was before Glennon performed an affront to the forward pass, and now Judge is certainly acting like a guy who knows he’s about to get canned.
2022’s gonna be a disaster with or without him in New York. The Giants just have to decide if they want that disaster to be spicy or mild.
3. The Dolphins folded their way out of the postseason in the face of competency
The Titans did not play a good game Sunday. They were fine. This is all they needed to be to derail Miami’s seven-game winning streak and keep the Dolphins from becoming the first 1-7 team to ever make the playoffs.
The Dolphins crumbled with a determination and efficiency typically only seen in successes. A defense that had feasted on bad offenses — their last six wins had come against quarterbacks like Glennon, Ian Book, Zach Wilson, and crisis mode Cam Newton — couldn’t do anything against Tennessee’s neverending attack of high percentage passes and handoffs to journeyman tailbacks. Tua Tagovailoa, content to send Miami fans into an offseason of screaming about him, did this:
And this:
The end result was a 34-3 mollywhopping that put the Titans in the driver’s seat for the AFC’s top seed (somehow) and eliminated the Dolphins from playoff contention. Once again, Miami will finish a season under Brian Flores with a record that looks a lot better than it felt. If he can’t get those two sides to sync up in 2022, he could just be the latest underwhelming branch of Bill Belichick’s coaching tree.
4. Garrett Bradbury
Nah, not really. This was awesome. Pretty much the one good thing to happen to the Vikings Sunday night:
Give him his own special red zone play in Week 18, Mike Zimmer. He’s earned it. — CD
Week 17 results, in five words or fewer
Bills 29, Falcons 15
Bills clinch despite Allen’s picks
Bears 29, Giants 3
Bengals 34, Chiefs 31
Titans 34, Dolphins 3
Raiders 23, Colts 20
Raiders’ fitting John Madden tribute
Patriots 50, Jaguars 10
Jags = best get-right opponent
Bucs 28, Jets 24
Eagles 20, Washington 16
Rams 20, Ravens 19
Chargers 34, Broncos 13
49ers 23, Texans 7
Saints 18, Panthers 10
Cardinals 25, Cowboys 22
Seahawks 51, Lions 29
Packers 37, Vikings 10