Thank you, Eagles, for sending us into the playoffs right
Plus, some stuff to celebrate and an extra helping of sadness
The 2020 regular season is over. Against all odds and most medical advice, it only took 17 weeks.
The Packers and Chiefs are your lone bye week recipients, ensuring the path to Super Bowl 55 winds through the frozen, concrete turf of Green Bay and Kansas City. This is a tremendous victory for cold weather football and extra-long cleats and terrible news for kickers who will have to go from temperate dome environments to kicking cannonballs through the biting wind of 5-degree weather.
Rather than take in one major development and dig deep on that like we do most Mondays, I’m gonna do something a little different now that the regular season is over. Let’s do a bunch of shallow dives from playoff-setting Sunday’s action.
The Eagles really, really didn’t want the Giants to make the playoffs
New York was a few solid drives from becoming the first six-win playoff team in modern NFL history. Then Eagles head coach Doug Pederson stared down at the begging masses asking for a Giants postseason bid, considered their request, and spit on them.
How else can you justify his decision to purposefully take a delay of game penalty facing fourth-and-7 from the Washington 36 instead of attempting a 53-yard field goal or running a play (the ensuing punt gained 16 net yards of field position after a touchback)? Or his decision to go for it on fourth-and-goal at the Washington 4 one drive later when a chip shot field goal would have tied the game? Or to insert third-string quarterback Nate Sudfeld in the fourth quarter of a three-point game, just to see him do this on his first two throws since 2018:
When an interception gave Philadelphia the ball back, the Eagles returned to Sudfeld rather than return to Jalen Hurts. He lasted one play before turning the ball over, letting a low snap bounce off his knee and failing to recover a ball that had fallen at his feet. Two drives, five plays, and two turnovers were STILL not enough to change Pederson’s mind. Sudfeld returned for a third series as Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth skewered his decision on a national broadcast.Â
This time he earned a first down! Then lost 14 yards on a Montez Sweat sack seconds later.
By the end of the game, Collinsworth and Michaels couldn’t help but let the disgust boil to the surface of their broadcast. Each, in frustration, called the Washington Football Team by its old name at least once. Though the camera wasn’t on either man, you could feel the subtle head shake that accompanied each word of commentary.
This was, in no uncertain terms, an amazing heckle at the expense of New York City. The Eagles had no shot at a playoff berth in Week 17. Pederson did his damnedest to make sure the Giants didn’t, either. The Football Team is going to the playoffs at 7-9. The Miami Dolphins, with 10 wins to their name, will sit out this postseason.
MVP worthy
Josh Allen was only supposed to play his Week 17 game against the Dolphins long enough to set the Bills’ single-season passing yardage mark. He was good enough to last two full quarters after breaking Drew Bledsoe’s record in two drives. Allen helped throw a bucket of sand on Miami’s flickering postseason hopes en route to a 28-6 halftime lead, tossing three touchdowns in the process.Â
It was enough to put Aaron Rodgers’ MVP bonafides into question, for at least a few minutes:
So how did the Green Bay veteran, who saw his team trade up to draft his potential replacement last April, respond? Here’s what *his* first half looked like:
Rodgers fell off after that. He threw his first incompletion when Marquez Valdes-Scantling regressed to his purest form:
Two more passes were drops … from the Chicago secondary. The Bears unexpectedly found the leverage to turn this into a one possession game while driving in the fourth quarter. The onus was on the Green Bay offense to salt away the game and the top seed in the NFC bracket of the postseason.
Rodgers fired back.Â
The Packers led 21-16 with 11 minutes to play when Rodgers led a 12-play, 76-yard drive that effectively clinched the top seed in the NFC. Rodgers’ role in that? Eight passes, seven completions, and 65 yards.
It was a drive that would have been anathema to Chicago’s playoff hopes if the Cardinals weren’t entirely incapable of defeating AAF legend John Wolford without a healthy Kyler Murray in the lineup. The Bears made the postseason regardless, but likely pushed Rodgers to his third regular season MVP award in the process. That’s a win-win for the NFC North. Kinda.
The Bears are a playoff team
And if they’re stupid, they’re gonna sign up for three more years of Mitchell Trubisky!
Week 17 results, in five words or fewer
Bills 56, Dolphins 26
Ravens 38, Bengals 3
Browns 24, Steelers 22
Vikings 37, Lions 35
Patriots 28, Jets 14
Cam’s best (final?) Patriots game
Giants 23, Cowboys 19
Crotch fumble recovery seals it
Buccaneers 44, Falcons 27
Packers 35, Bears 16
Bears outclassed, still in playoffs
Colts 28, Jaguars 14
JTT: Jonathan Taylor Two-fifty-three
Chargers 38, Chiefs 21
Herbert sets records vs. backups
Rams 18, Cardinals 7
Saints 33, Panthers 7
Seahawks 26, 49ers 23
Titans 41, Texans 38
Titans’ doinky AFC South title
Raiders 32, Broncos 31
Washington 20, Eagles 14
Happy Endings
Don’t worry, schadenfreude lovers. We haven’t abandoned the pain index now that the calendar has turned to 2021. But before we get to the misery, we wanted to celebrate a few positive developments to come out of the final weekend of the regular season.Â
Your playoff-bound Cleveland Browns
The Browns’ playoff drought was old enough to vote (but DIDN’T — no need for more fake voter fraud accusations). That streak is now kaput, though in usual Browns fashion, it didn’t come easy.Â
After wasting a golden opportunity against the Jets last week, the Browns got a second chance against the rival Steelers. Cleveland wasn’t at full strength due to prolonged Covid issues, yet the Steelers were sitting most of their veteran starters. The Browns led most of the way, but Mason Rudolph refused to go away as much as we wanted him to.Â
The Steelers threatened to tie the game on a touchdown with less than two minutes remaining and would have if the two-point conversion had succeeded. Crisis averted? Not quite. First, the Browns had to recover the onside kick, which they did only after this angina-inducing moment:
Then, they needed to gain at least one first down. Last week, Mayfield failed with his legs on a critical fourth down late in the game. This week, he picked up the playoff-clinching first down:
The Browns didn’t just get that monkey off their back; they also took down Rudolph and the Steelers in the process (and got some revenge against the Jets, who now own the NFL’s longest active playoff drought). Their reward for that is … playing the Steelers again next week, this time in Pittsburgh and this time against their A team. — SH
The Jets fired Adam Gase
Rejoice, New York. There is balm in Gilead. — CD
The red-hot Buffalo Bills
Despite resting several key defenders and rolling with Matt Barkley for the second half, the Bills demolished the Dolphins on Sunday. That capped off an impressive end to an impressive season in which they went 13-3 and beat each of their final six opponents by double digits. They also swept the AFC East for the first time ever.Â
A year ago, the Bills lost a heartbreaker in the postseason to an AFC South team. This year, they’ll get another chance, albeit against the Colts instead of the Texans. Although they haven’t won a playoff game in 25 years, the Bills seem to be peaking at just the right time. — SH
The Raiders’ redemptionÂ
Nothing but pride and draft position were on the line for the Raiders and Broncos on Sunday. But Vegas got a little bit of a do-over for its improbably stupid loss last week. After once again taking a slim lead late in the game (thanks to a beautiful play design on the two-point conversion), the Raiders just needed to avoid giving up a long completion and committing a dumb penalty this time. They did neither!
However, history failed to repeat itself on the field goal attempt, when the Raiders blocked Brandon McManus’ 63-yard try as the clock wound down. The result was fairly meaningless, except for the small bit of redemption the Raiders got to experience. — SH
The $100K richer David Moore
The Seahawks could’ve kneeled out their win over the 49ers, but with 22 seconds left, Russell Wilson tossed a short pass to receiver David Moore. It turns out that was an audible by Wilson and he had a good reason for making that decision:
That was Moore’s first catch of the game and his 35th of the season, which triggered the bonus. Wilson may have watched his MVP hopes slip away, but he deserves a good teammate award for that act of thoughtfulness. — SH
The undefeated John WolfordÂ
The Rams may have another week of John Wolford when they take on Seattle in the wildcard round next weekend. And, you know what? That’s just fine! The dropoff from Jared Goff to John Wolford is about 0.4 yards per attempt. However, this is not a screed dumping on not-so-franchise QB Goff; it’s one to praise John Wolford, the second coming of Keith Null in Rams folklore.Â
McVay has made it pretty clear that the Rams don’t want to push the ball past the 10-yard line unless they absolutely have to, opting to run it or stretch out some dink-and-dunks. That’s been working too; I mean, they are in the playoffs.Â
But maybe, just maybe, they’ll have to air it out a bit more against the Seahawks. When that happens, the legend of John Wolford begins. — RVB
Week 17 Pain Index
For some NFL teams, the season has been over long before this weekend. The Bengals might have gotten blown out by the Ravens, but they’re already on to next season, when Joe Burrow will be healthy again. The Jaguars are counting down the days until they can draft Trevor Lawrence, so who cares if they finished on a 15-game losing streak? And even when the four-win Texans lose in the last minute, for what seems like the 12th time this year, it hardly compares to the heartache felt by the teams who had to watch their playoff dreams crumble on Sunday. (A rival doinking in a game-winning field goal is still a crappy way to lose, though!)Â
As such, this week’s pain index is reserved only for the four teams that had a chance to nab a postseason berth but came up short.Â
4. Giants
Is it worse to win, then leave your playoff chances up to fate, or lose and know you only have yourself to blame?
I’m not sure there’s a right answer, but the Giants handled their business Sunday and can feel good about that — even if it hurt to witness the Eagles’ maybe tank job cost them the NFC East title. (Next time, Giants, try winning more than six games.) — SH
3. Dolphins
Before Sunday, the Dolphins’ biggest loss was by 10 points, all the way back in Week 1. All season, they’ve been pests to any opponent they’ve faced, setting up a win-and-in playoff scenario in Week 17. Maybe the magic wore off when Ryan Fitzpatrick went on the Covid list a few days ago, because the Dolphins looked like a completely different team this week and not in a good way.Â
They fell flat in all phases of their 30-point loss to the Bills, who rested a number of starters. The defense surrendered a season-high 455 yards. Tua Tagovailoa threw three interceptions (including a pick-six to Josh Norman like it’s 2015). Special teams allowed a punt return touchdown.
It was a disappointing ending to a promising season for Miami. There is one consolation prize, however: the No. 3 pick, courtesy of the Texans. — SH
2. Cowboys
The Cowboys wouldn’t have secured a playoff bid even if they had topped the Giants on Sunday, but there was no way they could have known that at the time. With their playoff life hanging in the balance, the Cowboys didn’t look like a team that found its rhythm during a three-game winning streak. They looked like the team that we saw earlier this season, one that couldn’t get out of its own way.Â
There were mindless penalties, costly drops, bad coaching, a shoddy run defense, an OL that couldn’t protect Andy Dalton, and red zone problems (1 of 4, including an interception). Even a last-minute shot at redemption was thwarted thanks to Wayne Gallman’s nether regions:
Worst of all, they let a Jason Garrett offense beat them. Just a shameful effort all around. — SH
1. Cardinals
Weird that a day before the Chargers fired Anthony Lynn, the least inspired coaching performance came from someone else: Kliff Kingsbury of the Cardinals. All they had to do was pull out a win against a Rams led by (future folk hero) John Wolford and without Cooper Kupp and a hobbled Cam Akers. And they nearly did!Â
The play that really summed it up was this one: Trailing by 11, he called an option run on third-and-18 with five minutes to go and Kyler Murray playing on an injured ankle. Maybe Murray audible’d into it, but even then, he shouldn’t have been given that option. Then he punted from midfield with 4:24 left on the clock … THE VERY NEXT PLAY. Just an incredible pair of plays that will define Kingsbury — dubbed the wunderkid of NFL coaching just a year ago — that will define him well into next season.Â
That’s the thing that will define the Cardinals’ offseason. Not just a loss in a game that could have sent them to the playoffs, a crushingly stupid loss. — RVB