How to accept a 49ers or Chiefs win in Super Bowl 58

I've come up with a few reasons you can be happy with — or at least fine with —whichever team wins on Sunday.

This year, I decided I didn’t have much to say about the Pro Bowl. In the past, I’ve managed to offer a bit of “real” Pro Bowl analysis, but now that it’s settled into its current form — the skills showdown and flag football — I don’t really have more to add. 

It basically follows the same script each year. These amazing athletes have silly fun, while remaining their competitive selves. The Manning family trolls each other. Stefon Diggs, Keenan Allen, and CeeDee Lamb are always there because 1) they’re great and 2) their teams never make the Super Bowl. 

And that’s fine! I just don’t need to write an entire newsletter about it, especially when there’s a huge event coming up this week. I am, of course, referring to the series premiere of Couple to Throuple on Peacock, the latest in a long line of reality TV shows that sounds like a throwaway joke on an episode of 30 Rock. 

In all seriousness, the Super Bowl is less than a week away, and through gritted teeth, I have come to accept that we’re getting 49ers vs. Chiefs again. I don’t particularly care which team wins, and I will save my prediction for later in the week. 

But I also understand being the type of fan who likes to have a rooting interest — either because you are a lover and want to cheer for someone’s happiness, or because you’re a hater and want to cheer for their demise. (I say that without judgment; my essence is made of, like, 65 percent spite.)

Even if this isn’t the Super Bowl matchup you or I wanted, it’s the one we’re getting. So I’ve come up with a few reasons why you can be OK with whichever team ends Sunday night with a championship victory — because like it or not, one side is guaranteed to win.

Why you can be cool with a 49ers win

1. The 49ers have been the better overall team this season

If you think the Super Bowl should reward the team that’s been better all year, and not just the one that gets hot at the right time, that would be the 49ers. Other than a midseason three-game slump (when left tackle Trent Williams and receiver Deebo Samuel were both injured), they have stumbled only once with their starters: on Christmas evening against the Ravens. 

This season, the Niners were the first team to clinch their division and finished with a top-four offense and defense in terms of DVOA — the only other team to be able to claim that is the Ravens. San Francisco never dropped below No. 3 in overall team DVOA and ended the regular season ranked No. 2, a few spots ahead of Kansas City. 

The 49ers also had a +193 point differential, ever so slightly behind the Ravens (+203) and Cowboys (+194). The Chiefs’ +77 point differential ranked sixth in the NFL, but it was still the first time in the Patrick Mahomes era that they weren’t above the +100 mark.

Overall, the 49ers were the more dominant team during the regular season, especially against top competition. KC’s record against eventual playoff teams was 1-4, while SF’s was 5-3 (or 5-2, if you don’t count the Week 18 loss to the Rams when both sides were resting starters). 

The Chiefs were a big mess as recently as December, too. Their final loss came on Christmas Day to the Raiders, the end of a 3-5 stretch in which Kansas City dropped four one-score games and was continually haunted by its own mistakes. The Chiefs have been a much more sound team in the playoffs, and that’s a testament to their fortitude. However, their clean and clutch postseason performance haven’t been representative of their 2023 season on the whole. 

2. A new winner = no dynasty talk

Only the Patriots and Steelers have more Super Bowl titles than the 49ers, who are tied with the Cowboys at five apiece for second-most in the NFL. Like the Cowboys, the Niners haven’t taken home the Lombardi Trophy since the mid-90s. Unlike the Cowboys, the Niners have at least appeared in the Super Bowl a couple of times in that span. 

San Francisco wouldn’t be a “new” Super Bowl winner, in the sense that the franchise is one of the most decorated in NFL history. But the 49ers would at least be a different Super Bowl winner because they haven’t earned a championship in recent memory. Their last Super Bowl victory came in January 1995, before a lot of their current players were even born. Trent Williams, the oldest member of the team, was 6 years old then. 

And a different Super Bowl winner, particularly for a prideful fanbase that has been waiting decades for another title, means the postgame celebration and the championship parade should be rocking — and are worth paying attention to, if only to see how many beers George Kittle can shotgun. 

Besides, it’s been just a few years since the Patriots’ dynasty ended. Do we really need a new dynasty to take their place? That might be fun for Chiefs fans and/or the most casual of NFL viewers, but for the rest of us, it makes this mostly unpredictable sport a little stale. 

3. So many first-time Super Bowl rings to hand out

On a similar note, think of all the deserving players and coaches who would receive their first Super Bowl ring if the 49ers prevail on Sunday. 

Kyle Shanahan has come oh-so-close to winning two Super Bowls before heartbreak set in: first as the Falcons’ OC seven years ago and then as the Niners’ head coach three years later. Trent Williams is a future Hall of Famer and toiled away for years on a poorly run Washington team that mismanaged his cancer scare. Christian McCaffrey spent his first few seasons with the underperforming Panthers, then missed most of the next two seasons with injuries, and has since stayed healthy and lived up to his promise in San Francisco. This season, he led the NFL in rushing yards for the first time in his career, as well as in yards from scrimmage for the second time. 

Then there’s the homegrown talent, like Nick Bosa, Fred Warner, George Kittle, Brandon Aiyuk, and Deebo Samuel, who were all drafted by the Niners and make up their foundation. Brock Purdy and his rise from the 2022 draft’s Mr. Irrelevant to Super Bowl starter is also a neat story, if you can ignore the subset of fans who get way too evangelical about him. 

Don’t forget about the veterans who have bounced around the league, either. Tashaun Gipson, Jon Feliciano, Ray-Ray McCloud, and Chris Conley have all played for at least four teams and have never won a Super Bowl. Poor Conley has barely missed out on a ring twice. He started his career with the Chiefs and then signed with the Jaguars in 2019, the same season that Kansas City went on its run to Super Bowl LIV. He later rejoined the Chiefs in 2022 but was signed off their practice squad by the Titans. He finished that season, which culminated in another KC title, with Tennessee. 

Lastly, think about some of the former castoffs who have found a home in San Francisco. Though Anthony Lynn won two Super Bowls as a player with the Broncos, he hasn’t experienced those highs as a coach. His time with the Chargers was up-and-down, but he ended up being more successful than his successor, Brandon Staley. He’s now the 49ers’ assistant head coach and running backs coach, and he’s excelled in that position. 

Steve Wilks was a one-and-done coach with the Cardinals, replaced by Kliff Kingsbury (who didn’t last terribly long either). As interim head coach last year in Carolina, he turned the Panthers into a competent squad and went 6-6 after taking over. Still, he was bypassed for the full-time job, which went to Frank Reich (who was fired in November). After he didn’t get the Panthers’ coaching job, Wilks joined the 49ers as their next defensive coordinator. While he has dealt with his share of criticism — somewhat unfairly so — his players love him and the defense is still one of the top units in the NFL. 

Also in this group are a few high draft picks who have had inconsistent careers, such as Sam Darnold, Chase Young, and Randy Gregory. None of them have even sniffed a Super Bowl until now, and a win would be a potential redemption story. That’s even true for Darnold, despite his role as Purdy’s backup. If Darnold did end up playing for some reason, the most chaotic possible result would be him winning MVP honors. So if you want to root for that, I won’t dissuade you.

Why you can be cool with a Chiefs win

1. It’s the devil you know 

As the cliche goes, misery loves company — and sports fans are often a miserable lot. Or, as the hater motto goes, the fewer happier fans, the better. 

If the 49ers win, that’s a new team that has tasted true success, and we don’t know how the players or their fans will act under such circumstances. 

We already can guess what will happen if the Chiefs win. Andy Reid will give a shout-out to cheeseburgers, Patrick Mahomes will thank his entire team and then hug his kids, Travis Kelce will talk like a wrestler while his brother will pop up shirtless, and Paul Rudd will be there too. Which is not a problem because we all like Paul Rudd!

The 49ers are a complete unknown, though. What if they become insufferable (and maybe, to you, they already are)? After all, the Niners ran their mouths last offseason — and even into this season — about the Eagles, and that was a game they lost a year ago. 

Would they be gracious winners or would they trash-talk the Chiefs? Maybe George Kittle would steal Reid’s “cheeseburger” line, Deebo Samuel would take a swipe at Kelce’s girlfriend, or Nick Bosa would keep talking about how he overcame so many holds. Or, ugh, Rob Schneider could show up, and no one wants that. Plus, you just know that if the Niners are crowned champs, Purdy fanboys will try to argue that he’s better than Mahomes because of a head-to-head win. 

Other than the last one, I don’t know how likely any of those are, but it’s still a risk!

With another victory on Sunday, the Chiefs would also be the first team since the 2003-04 Patriots to claim back-to-back Super Bowls, thus cementing themselves as a dynasty. So, as a bonus, it’d rile up Patriots fans.

2. Patrick Mahomes firmly enters the GOAT debate

I do not have much use for “who’s the greatest of all time” debates in any sport, but clearly a lot of fans eat that topic up or else sports talking heads wouldn’t recycle the same old story every offseason. 

As of right now, most NFL fans would say Tom Brady is the GOAT at the quarterback position, though there’s not a consensus. Lawrence Taylor would say it’s Joe Montana, who didn’t play in an era when seemingly every call benefited the offense. Montana would say it’s Dan Marino, who was putting up the kind of modern-day MVP numbers two decades before anyone else.

In his first season as a starter, when he won his first MVP award, Mahomes looked like he could eventually enter the conversation. After his second MVP award, and second Super Bowl win, Mahomes began to dip his toes in the GOAT pool. But he’d be officially welcomed to the party if he can deliver a third Super Bowl win in his first six seasons as a starter, while recording better numbers than Brady did in that time and often playing with a worse defense than Brady did in New England (this year’s Chiefs defense is the exception). 

These arguments, subjective as they are, will never be settled, but at least Mahomes making his case with a third ring would add some spice to a tired debate. He’s also the exact kind of player the NFL wants to be the face of the league: a good ambassador for the game, shares his honest opinions without being too controversial, likable without being fake, works hard but isn’t diabolical about his diet like Brady or obsessed with the way he looks, and he can do things on a football field that you’ve never seen anyone else even attempt. 

And once again, as a bonus, it’d rile up Patriots fans.

3. There will be a legendary play design with an awesome name

Reid is one of the greatest play callers the NFL has ever seen, and I’m sure he’ll have a trick up his sleeve in Vegas, win or lose. But whenever the Chiefs win a big game like this one, they can always look back at the play that changed everything — and it’ll no doubt be named something you wouldn’t expect. 

In their first Super Bowl showdown with the Niners, the Chiefs ran “2-3 Jet Chip Wasp” (as suggested by Mahomes) to turn the game around. Last year, they went with “Corn Dog Shuttle” to take the lead back from the Eagles in the fourth quarter. 

In the AFC Championship Game, they sealed the win over the Ravens with “Da Bomb,” a throwback to the old NFL Blitz arcade game.

If this matchup had taken place two months ago, I’d be worried about Kansas City’s offense being able to properly execute a complicated play call. But the unit has been in sync since the postseason started and since Mahomes’ receivers have stopped dropping his passes. 

As long as that continues in the Super Bowl, the Chiefs will surprise us with at least one beauty of a play. If it just so happens to come in a critical moment, we’ll soon discover afterward whatever delightful name it was called — and how Reid cooked it up (maybe with the help of his own Good Will Hunting?). Then football fans around the world can geek out about how it was set up and then carried out. Because if there’s one thing that fans can agree on, it’s that there’s nothing quite like good football.