NFL Week 3: Welcome to college football Saturday
The NFL resembled college football this weekend, in ways both good and bad.
When I first started writing about sports, years ago in the early blogging days, my main beat, so to speak, was college football — Ohio State, specifically. I kind of stumbled into the NFL side of things, but I took a liking to it and found it easier to cover than college football, in part because I didn’t have a favorite NFL team and thus had less emotional investment in the results.
Every year since, I become more and more certain that I made the right decision. I still love college football and stay glued to the TV every Saturday, but I find almost all of the discourse utterly exhausting and now I rarely weigh in on it publicly, saving most of my analysis and diatribes for family, friends, and my dogs.
I’m making a slight exception after this weekend, when I was struck by how much college football and the NFL seemed to overlap. It started on Saturday when a few different coaches went on rants directed at media darlings and media members. Predictably, the online conversations turned toxic as fans (or other media members) questioned why coaches would even bother to call their detractors out.
It reminded me of what I hinted about last week when I brought up Jonathan Gannon’s much mocked speech to the Cardinals: IT’S NOT FOR YOU.
The coaches are not speaking to the fans. They’re not really even speaking to the media. They’re speaking to their players and future players, and they’re speaking up for them. There’s so much garbage out there, and I know players hear — sometimes in their DMs — way more of it than we realize. I’m sure it helps to know their coach has their back.
Anyway, from that point on, I couldn’t stop seeing the connections between CFB and the NFL — both good and bad. And hey, what do you know, the Cardinals pulled off a major upset over the Cowboys and got Gannon his first win as a head coach. Maybe he knows how to get through to his players after all.
Let’s get to the other similarities I noticed in Week 3 — and I promise, unlike every other outlet, I will make zero Taylor Swift references.1
Hello, offensive explosions
Five years ago, when the Chiefs and Rams battled in an epic Monday Night Football clash, the high-scoring affair drew comparisons to college football. I thought the same thing a few years later when the Chiefs and Bills threw haymakers at each other in the Divisional Round.
In each case, it wasn’t simply that both teams put up a lot of points. It felt like watching college football because the offenses were fun and creative, the tension all game was off the charts, and I, like many other fans, devoured every minute of, at the edge of my seat the whole time even though I had no real stake in the outcome.
None of the matchups in Week 3 were shootouts, but we did see a lot of points and several unusual touchdowns. In fact, five teams (so far) scored 37+ points this week, more than in Week 1 (two teams) and Week 2 (two teams) combined.
Of those five, there are two that I want to single out below.
The Dolphins are playing on another level right now
If you told me that an offense produced 726 yards and 70 points, I’d assume we were talking about, like, Oregon vs. Portland State, or Alabama vs. the Citadel2, or Cardale Jones vs. a kid in Madden. But no, that happened in the NFL on Sunday — the second-most yards ever in league history and the most points since 1966. Dolphins coach Mike McDaniel could have opted to beat those records, but he chose not to, for karma purposes and perhaps out of compassion for the franchise that cultivated his love of football.
Rookie running back De'Von Achane was at the forefront of the Dolphins’ record-setting day, with 203 rushing yards and four total touchdowns. Two plays of his in particular stand out to me: Tua Tagovailoa’s no-look shovel pass to Achane for a touchdown, and this absolute genius play design that netted 40 yards for the rookie.
All along, McDaniel had a vision for the kind of offense he wanted to run: one that leaned heavily on speed and explosive plays. And so far, it’s thriving. I mean, Miami scored TEN touchdowns and averaged 10.2 yards per play — and that was without Jaylen Waddle.
As Tagovailoa said after the game, the Dolphins aren’t trying to show up their opponents. They’re following the plan McDaniel had for them, and it’ll be up to the rest of the league to figure out how to slow them down.
The Texans rookies are showing out
If you told me that a fullback had taken a kick return to the house, I’d assume we were talking about Iowa’s lone touchdown in a 13-10 game against Minnesota. But no, Andrew Beck did that in the NFL on Sunday — the heaviest player to do so in the Super Bowl era.
Although Beck’s score broke the game open for the Texans, I’m going to focus on the excellent performance from three of Houston’s rookies.
First up is C.J. Stroud, who earned his first win in the NFL. Two years ago, I decided to take a step back from posting about college football on social media because I was so fed up with the unfair, sometimes vitriolic criticism I kept seeing about him. Now he’s out there on an NFL field, cool as a cucumber and setting his own NFL records despite the absence of four of his starting linemen. It warms my heart!
Stroud’s favorite target against the Jaguars was fellow rookie Tank Dell, who pulled in five catches for 145 yards and this beaut of a touchdown. The Texans’ 37 points were the most they’ve had in a game since 2021 and the most they’ve had on the road since 2020.
While Stroud and Dell were lighting it up on offense, Will Anderson Jr., the No. 3 overall pick, left his mark on defense and special teams. He blocked Jacksonville’s field goal attempt in the second quarter that gave the Texans a short field to work with, and he also totaled four tackles and two QB hits.
The plays the three of them made were nothing new to anyone who watched them in college not that long ago — and maybe that’s why this matchup seemed so much like a CFB Saturday to me.
Baffling decision-making
Like bad officiating, questionable coaching is not exclusive to one sport. But Sunday’s action certainly felt like an extension of what I had witnessed on Saturday night — specifically, the maddening fourth-down calls and other coaching mishaps in Ohio State-Notre Dame.
I narrowed this list down to the three worst offenders, but I had plenty of options to pick from here, including Gardner Minshew channeling Dan Orlovsky, Jordan Love’s throws on fourth down (twice!), and Mike McCarthy’s red zone playcalling,
The Chargers tried to ice the game at their own 24-yard line — and failed
I tried to prepare myself for how agonizing the end of Chargers vs. Vikings would be, and it was somehow worse than I expected.
The Chargers took a late lead in Minnesota after a ball bounced off a Vikings defender into Joshua Palmer’s hands Then, their defense actually got a stop on fourth down.
With 1:51 left to go, LA held a four-point lead and was facing a fourth-and-1 from its own 24-yard line. Rather than punt, coach Brandon Staley decided to tempt fate (as a Chargers coach!) and go for it (reminder: Austin Ekeler was out with an injury). Sure enough, backup Joshua Kelly was stuffed and the Vikings were handed a golden opportunity to try to win the game.
Over the last few years, Staley has taken a lot of flak from NFL fans for his analytics-heavy mindset and his late-game decisions. I think some of the criticism has been warranted, while other times it’s a little over the top and a sign of fan groupthink. This time, however, I’m with the naysayers. The Chargers had already blown two late leads this season and desperately needed a win. Even more than that, after the collapse in the playoffs, Staley’s job was potentially on the line here. I don’t care how much he trusts his offense — this was not the time to try such a reckless call and possibly put the outcome in the hands of a defense that had folded twice in two weeks.
Pretty much the only reason the Chargers survived was because they were playing the Vikings, who the football gods chose to torment a little more this week.
The Vikings turned the ball over (again) instead of spiking it
Once Staley gave the Vikings an extra life, they had just under two minutes remaining to go 24 yards, with the NFL’s passing yards leader and receiving yards leader, and without any timeouts. On fourth-and-5 from the LA 15-yard line, Kirk Cousins found T.J. Hockenson for a 9-yard gain. Instead of spiking it, Cousins took a shot at the end zone with 12 seconds left, after wasting valuable time at the line. The ball boomeranged off Hockenson and Kenneth Murray was there to snag the interception, the Vikings’ ninth giveaway already this season.
Even worse, the reason that Cousins took so long to get a snap off is because he couldn’t hear Kevin O’Connell’s playcall over the crowd noise. And this was in Minnesota!
Last year, the Vikings were 11-0 in one-score games, but the devil always comes to collect. This year, they’re 0-3 in such matchups.
Josh McDaniels chose to kick a late field goal down 8
The Raiders already had the indignity of being the first team this season to give up 300+ yards to a Matt Canada offense. Still, they had a chance to at least get to overtime late in the game. With 3:11 left on the clock, the Raiders found themselves at the Pittsburgh 29-yard line on fourth-and-5, trailing by eight points. Josh McDaniels, with all three of his timeouts intact, decided to kick the field goal to cut the deficit to five and let his defense try to force another three-and-out, as it had done on the previous drive.
I don’t know if I agree with that decision, but I can understand it. What I don’t understand is what McDaniels did after that. Vegas got a fresh set of downs when the Steelers were assessed a 15-yard penalty, for leverage, on Daniel Carlson’s made field goal try. The Raiders accepted the penalty, which wiped out the field goal. About a minute later, they were much closer to the end zone — the 8-yard line — and were facing a fourth-and-4. McDaniels somehow thought the smart play was to, once again, kick the field goal.
The Raiders, now down five points, didn’t get the ball back until 12 seconds remained. Then a possibly concussed Jimmy Garoppolo threw a pick to seal the loss.
Afterward, McDaniels’ explanation made even less sense. He said, “You're going to need another possession anyway.” I mean, yeah, technically — that’s what overtime would’ve been for!
This man makes $10 million a year.
Who needs a hug?
Every week in college football, I inevitably feel sympathy for at least one team, usually one full of players who will never set foot in the NFL. For example, this week, it was Virginia, who lost in crushing fashion to NC State (and former UVA QB Brennan Armstrong).
That sentiment usually carries over to the NFL, and this week, there was no shortage of candidates to be on the receiving end of my pity: the godforsaken Vikings, the hapless Bears, Garrett Wilson for being stuck with Nathaniel Hackett and Zach Wilson.
But I felt most sorry for the Broncos, Garett Bolles most of all. In the locker room after the beatdown from the Dolphins, the offensive tackle looked so defeated as he spoke honestly and emotionally, saying "I've been here for seven years and all I've done is lost."
Denver drafted Bolles in 2017, two years after the franchise won a Super Bowl. That was also the last time the Broncos made the playoffs. In Bolles’ career, they’ve never finished with a winning record, and they’ve cycled between ineffective coaches and quarterbacks.
While the Dolphins deserve our praise for their performance on Sunday, I also think we should keep in mind how devastated the Broncos are. It would, frankly, suck to be humiliated on a national stage and in unprecedented fashion like they were. Even if most of the players are paid well, they still put their health, physical and mental, on the line each week. So I will send a hug with my mind — a mind hug, if you will — Bolles’ way and will have one ready for the loser of (whhyyyy) Broncos-Bears next week.
No offense to Taylor Swift herself, or her teenage fans who are obsessed with her — that’s how teenagers act, and I will not judge them for it. My problem is with her grown fans who follow her every move and constantly talk about her like she’s their best friend, because these people and their parasocial relationship with her are unavoidable on the internet. Every time I see some breathless tweet or hyperbolic headline about her latest sighting, I think, to quote Swift herself, “I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of.”