NFL Week 18: Tie one on
The regular season ended not with a whimper but a bang. And not, greatly disappointing to most of us, a tie.
It’s not always easy for TV shows to nail their season finales. They have to be able to wrap up the biggest story arc of the year while also building anticipation for what comes next. Sometimes that comes in the form of a cliffhanger and sometimes it simply sets up a new storyline for next season.
(Take the Friends Season 4 finale as an example. Ross says Rachel’s name at his wedding = cliffhanger. Chandler and Monica hook up = setting up a new storyline.)
The NFL’s first Week 18 was everything a great season finale should be. On Sunday, the league served up suspense, drama, and even some humor in a high-stakes slate of games. There were twists and turns, resolution, and glimpses of the future. It was, as Al Michaels said when the Chargers put together a 19-play game-tying drive in the final two minutes of regulation, insanity.
You probably didn’t need the reminder, but Sunday proved once again that whenever someone invokes the “No Fun League” nickname, it’s never in reference to the product on the field. Because the actual football we watched this weekend was gripping … well, most of it (Washington-Giants and Bears-Vikings can sit this one out, just like they will the playoffs).
In the spirit of a weird and wonderful Week 18 — and an even weirder and more wonderful Chargers-Raiders game to perfectly cap off the year — I picked a few moments from Sunday that most matched the season finale vibe.
The twist we should’ve seen coming: The Colts flame out in Jacksonville
I was confident that the Colts, winners of six of their last eight and double-digit favorites on the road, would not have much trouble in a win-and-in situation on Sunday. The Jaguars had been on an eight-game skid. In the previous five weeks, they had been outscored 163-54. By almost every metric — DVOA, point differential, draft order, watchability — they have been the worst team in the NFL this season.
But the signs pointing to a Jaguars upset win were there all along.
The Colts hadn’t won in Jacksonville since 2014. Coming into Sunday, a double-digit underdog has won in six of the last 10 weeks, and we had already seen as many of those kind of upsets as in any other season. Carson Wentz collapses like a Jenga tower every time the pressure gets turned up (see: his panicky performance in an OT loss to the Titans). Wentz, who is not vaccinated, played like crap last week soon after he had tested positive for Covid. And Jaguars fans were feeling … salty.
The atmosphere was ripe for an upset, and the Jags delivered. They sold out to try to stop Jonathan Taylor, which put the game in Wentz’s hands — and he melted down spectacularly. In the second half, with the Colts down by a manageable 10 points, Wentz fumbled, almost threw a pick, and then threw a pick on three straight drives:
That turned a 13-3 deficit into a 23-3 one, and the Colts’ playoffs hopes went up in flames like a Jason Mendoza Molotov cocktail.
Man, this week’s episode of Hard Knocks is gonna be as depressing as a season finale (any season finale) of The Wire.
The one who saves the day with a little magic: Ryan Tannehill secures the Titans’ No. 1 seed
I had been a longtime Ryan Tannehill skeptic, from his disappointing Miami tenure to his first season as the Titans’ starter. At some point last year, I finally accepted that he’s a pretty good quarterback who ended up in the right landing spot.
This season, he hasn’t often gotten credit for it, but he’s kept the Titans afloat as they’ve dealt with an absurd number of injuries, including to all his top weapons (Derrick Henry, A.J. Brown, Julio Jones, pretty much every WR on the roster).
And, when the Titans were in the middle of perhaps blowing what had been a 21-0 lead to the inferior Texans, Tannehill escaped a sack on third-and-6 and found tight end Anthony Firkser for a 24-yard gain:
Two plays later, Tannehill hit Jones in the end zone to build Tennessee’s lead back up to 28-18. The Titans ended up holding for a 28-25 win thanks in large part to Tannehill’s best game of the season. He completed 23 of 32 passes for 287 yards, four touchdowns, no picks, and posted season highs in QBR (92.3) and passer rating (138.9). In the process, his team locked down the No. 1 seed in the AFC, which will give Henry an extra week to get healthy just in time for the playoffs.
The unlikely hero who steps up out of the blue: Jimmy Garoppolo rallies the 49ers
Like the Colts, the 49ers could punch their ticket to the playoffs with a win on Sunday. And like the Colts, the 49ers fell in a deep hole partly due to their uneven quarterback playing like doodoo.
Jimmy Garoppolo was a surprise start for the 49ers after missing last week with a torn thumb ligament in his throwing hand. Throughout the first half, Garoppolo played like, well, someone who had a torn thumb ligament in his throwing hand. He had thrown for just 90 yards and answered the Rams’ first touchdown drive with an interception. The Niners trailed 17-3 at the half as “Trey Lance” began to trend on Twitter. Things did not look good for their playoff chances, not when Sean McVay had a 45-0 record in his coaching career while leading at halftime.
In the second half, Garoppolo was more comfortable — he threw touchdowns on San Francisco’s first two possessions— but it appeared like his mistakes could cost the 49ers once again. In the fourth quarter, Garoppolo was picked off a second time, which eventually led to LA retaking the lead. With two minutes to go, he took a sack on third down and the 49ers punted on the chance that they could get the ball back and tie it up. Those chances did not seem promising:
But, with 1:27 remaining, that’s exactly what they did. Jimmy G orchestrated a five-play, 88-yard drive, without his left tackle and any timeouts and with an injured thumb, to tie the game and send it to overtime:
In OT, Garoppolo went 4 of 5 for 50 yards, and a Robbie Gould chip-shot field goal gave the 49ers their first lead of the game. The defense sealed the win by picking off Matthew Stafford, an appropriate ending considering his Jared Goff-like struggles recently.
On the one hand, the 49ers’ win fit their usual M.O. against the Rams. Garoppolo has never lost to them in his career, and Kyle Shanahan has beaten his buddy McVay six times in a row. On the other hand, the win defied the narrative that Garoppolo isn’t clutch or Shanahan can’t get out of his own way when it matters most. And now, in improbable but highly exciting fashion, the Niners are back in the playoffs.
The villain who refuses to die: Ben Roethlisberger, always
Succession is, arguably, the best show on TV right now, and it always goes hard for its season finales, even though you know and the characters (Tom Wambsgans most of all) know that patriarch Logan Roy will never be dethroned.
And yet, I still get mad at myself for entertaining the possibility that it could happen when it inevitably ends with Logan surviving like the cockroach he is.
That’s also how I feel watching Ben Roethlisberger, pretty much every season of his century-long career but especially this season. Or, as Lukas Matsson would say:
For at least the last week — but in reality, much longer because of the media types who have carried water for Big Ben over the years — we have had to listen to Roethlisberger practically being canonized during Steelers games. It’s been obnoxious! Roethlisberger, who has aged like prison toilet wine, hasn’t been a good quarterback since 2018. He hasn’t been a good person in his entire existence — there are a laundry list of reasons to choose from, ranging from snaky (throwing teammates under the bus) to serious and harmful (two rape allegations).
And we are now forced to deal with more fawning next week because the Steelers are, against all odds, in the playoffs. That wouldn’t have happened if the Colts had won, or if the Chargers and Raiders had just tied like we all wanted, or if Big Ben’s receivers didn’t bail out his noodle-armed throws with great catches, or if the Ravens hadn’t used up all their luck in one-score games more than a month ago.
I honestly don’t have an issue with the Steelers franchise, but I’m infuriated that a team this unwatchable is in the playoffs, and that this Mr. PotatoHead-faced turd of a human gets another appearance in the postseason and a feel-good ending, rather than just retiring already and letting us live in peace.
The guy we’re rooting for who meets a sad fate: Justin Herbert puts it all out there and comes up short
If the Steelers are the luckiest franchise in the NFL, then it’s fitting the Chargers — the unluckiest franchise — delivered them a postseason berth.
Everything about the Chargers’ Sunday night finale with the Raiders was wackadoodle, particularly starting from the fourth quarter on. That’s when Justin Herbert stepped up and showed, with calm, cool precision, why he’s one of the best young quarterbacks in the league.
Herbert engineered two long touchdown drives — the first was 14 plays and 77 yards long, and the other was 19 plays (!) and 83 yards (in 2:06!) — and converted five fourth downs in that span and a two-point conversion. During overtime, he led another game-tying drive and converted another fourth down. In crunch time, he did everything he could to get both the Chargers and Raiders in the playoffs with a tie:
Herbert wanted a tie, I wanted a tie, everyone who wasn’t a Steelers fan wanted a tie. It felt like, as Americans, we all came together and finally agreed on something so much that we manifested it.
Then the Raiders had to spoil all the fun with a game-winning field goal. (Daniel Carlson, who has ruined a pick for me three weeks in a row, is now a sworn enemy.)
I’m already exhausted by the discourse about Brandon Staley’s timeout, but for what it’s worth, I’m in agreement with this take:
The Raiders were always going to run the ball. They were always going to kick a field goal if they got enough yards to where it would make sense. And the Chargers’ run defense was so bad all season that they were always going to give up that yardage.
But it was still a deflating ending for all of us who wanted that beautiful tie, which quickly went from a joke to a distinct possibility. And it was another tough lesson for Herbert on the cursed nature of being a Chargers quarterback. — SH
Christian’s Shit List
All the things I hated in Week 18
1. The Patriots ability to dig themselves early holes
New England broke a long, one-year postseason drought but backed into the playoffs doing so. The Pats are 1-3 in their last four games. Their only win since a Week 14 bye came over the hapless Jaguars.
All three of those losses have shared a common thread: early double-digit deficits.
Most of them were self inflicted. The Colts got a blocked punt touchdown that led to a 14-0 first quarter lead. The Dolphins got a Mac Jones pick-six to do the same in Week 18 — two games that saw New England claw back to cut the lead to three in the fourth quarter before falling apart. While there’s a measure of resilience to the Pats’ ability to erase those deficits instead of collapsing, this is a very real concern.
The Patriots have thrived this season behind a run-heavy offense that becomes extremely difficult to operate when trying to erase a double-digit deficit. Pressing rookie quarterback Jones into action forces him to throw into stacked secondaries; he’s thrown five interceptions in those three losses. Asking him to do too much has been a recipe for disaster.
It also unlocks New England’s other weakness; run defense. Two of those three losses came when the Patriots allowed fewer than 105 passing yards. That should lead to a win! Instead, they’re letting opponents grind down the clock and play keep away behind Jonathan Taylor (understandable) and, uh, Duke Johnson (what the hell?).
This is a problem in a conference where Derrick Henry is waiting to return. The Patriots’ rolling rebuild is ahead of schedule, but Bill Belichick’s latest dive into the postseason could be a one-and-done situation unless his offense can score early and create some breathing room for a suddenly struggling quarterback.
2. Carson Wentz, who cost the Colts their shot at playoff spot AND a franchise quarterback
All Indianapolis had to do in Week 18 to make it to the playoffs was beat the Jacksonville Jaguars. The Colts didn’t just lose in Jacksonville to a team whose fans came dressed in clown paint to protest the state of the organization, they embarrassed themselves.
The source behind this embarrassment was the quarterback who’ll cost the team a first-round pick this spring: Carson Wentz. Wentz was a disaster against the league’s 32nd-ranked passing defense. He had 39 net passing yards heading into the fourth quarter. When the Jaguars took a 23-3 lead in the fourth quarter, he was left scrambling to get whatever toothpaste he could back into the tube.
He failed miserably.
Wentz proved once again he’s incapable of doing anything above and beyond floating on the current of his teammates. If Jonathan Taylor can’t complete the heavy lifting, the former Eagle has little to offer:
The Colts have little alternative but to run it back for 2022. Indianapolis would be a tempting destination for a veteran in search of a new home, like Russell Wilson or Aaron Rodgers, thanks to a domed home field, a great offensive line, Taylor’s presence, and the spending room to lure a top free agent wideout to pair with Michael Pittman Jr. Indianapolis won’t be able to get any of those guys because Philadelphia owns its first-round pick.
A spot in the middle of Day 1 would have been a reasonable space to take a swing at 2022’s flawed crop of passing prospects, but the Colts won’t have a pick scheduled until No. 48 now. Maybe they’ll kick the tires on a veteran like Nick Foles or Andy Dalton or maybe bring Jacoby Brissett back, but this is probably Wentz’s team again next season.
That’s depressing! Indianapolis moved on from a 39-year-old Philip Rivers, whose top speed rivaled “waiter carrying an overloaded tray of fajitas,” and somehow won two fewer games this fall than the year prior, even with Taylor’s breakout campaign. The Colts should be so much better than this. Unless something significant changes with Wentz, they won’t be.
3. The Ravens, who started 8-3 and missed the playoffs
Baltimore wrapped up 2021 by losing six straight games. Those losses came by:
1 point (Steelers)
2 points (Browns)
1 point (Packers)
20 points (Bengals)
1 point (Rams)
3 points in overtime (Steelers)
That. is. Brutal. Baltimore got solid performances from its defense and Lamar Jackson backup Tyler Huntley, but the football gods chucked them out of the club each time they tried to sneak in the back door.
The pain is only made worse by the fact the man who shut the door on their season was arch-nemesis Ben Roethlisberger, playing out the string in the worst year of his long career. The 2021 version of Big Ben is, in terms of efficiency, better than most of the rookie quarterbacks, Sam Darnold, annnnnnnd that’s about it:
That’s the guy who ended your season by a combined total of four points, Baltimore! The sub-Baker Mayfield, sub-Taylor Heinicke doofus who always finds a way to ruin things. Well, if it makes you feel any better, he’s about to lose by 30 in his playoff finale next week.
4. The Chargers and Raiders, who opted not to play for a tie and both make the playoffs on Sunday night
Great, now we get that Steelers-Chiefs rematch the world has been clamoring for.
Thanks for nothing, assholes.
Week 18 results, in five words or fewer
Browns 21, Bengals 16
Lions 37, Packers 30
Vikings 31, Bears 17
Titans 28, Texans 25
Jaguars 26, Colts 11
Washington 22, Giants 7
Giants = real clown show organization
Steelers 16, Ravens 13 (OT)
[Vomits]
Bucs 41, Panthers 17
Saints 30, Falcons 20
Dolphins 33, Patriots 24
Seahawks 38, Cardinals 30
49ers 27, Rams 24 (OT)
Bills 27, Jets 10
Raiders 35, Chargers 32 (OT)