NFL Divisional Round: Greatest playoff weekend ever
It's hard to get people to agree on much these days, but the consensus opinion is that this round of the playoffs ROCKED.
In the grand scheme of things, sports are an exercise in frivolity. We cheer on players from afar to accomplish some feat of athleticism that we could only dream of doing ourselves. That’s kinda silly, when you think about it.
But don’t let anyone tell you that sports don’t matter. They create a sense of community; we bond over the highs and lows, the joys and heartbreak. In times of upheaval, they bring a sense of normalcy, a reminder that we are all part of this crazy world and shared experiences are part of what makes us human.
And when it seems like this country is fractured beyond repair, it’s warmed my heart just a little to watch us come together, like we have over the last few weeks on two NFL matters in particular:
-Raiders-Chargers should've been a tie
-This was the greatest weekend in NFL playoff history
Four games, four walk-off finishes, each one more exhilarating than the next. When this league is at its peak, nothing can top it in the dramatics department. I think many of us would agree with that, too. After all, the NFL is America’s favorite game for a reason.
Perhaps I’m feeling optimistic because I’m still riding the high of an actual super wild round after a ho-hum “Super Wild Card Weekend” last week. But I think there are even more topics that can unite our country — relating to the NFL, that is.
Joe Burrow deserves a better OL
I’ve yet to meet anyone who dislikes Joe Burrow, if that someone exists. I mean, I’m sure they do — some people revel in being contrarians, and it also can’t be fun watching Burrow carve up your favorite team. But even fans I know of other AFC North teams all say the same thing: “I don’t like the Bengals, but I can’t help but like Joe Burrow.”
Joe Cool is confident, competitive, and a strong leader — and never in an off-putting way:
SO WHY ARE THE BENGALS TRYING TO GET HIM KILLED?!
OK, I’m being a bit hyperbolic, but we’ve known for years that Cincinnati has had a terrible offensive line. We got confirmation of that when Burrow tore his ACL halfway through his rookie season after getting sandwiched by two defenders. And again this year when Burrow led the league in number of sacks taken (51 in 16 regular season games). And again this weekend when Burrow was sacked NINE times against the Titans and hit 13 times. (Granted, Burrow should’ve thrown the ball away on a couple of those sacks, but still.)
Despite that beating, he managed to throw for 348 yards and smoothly complete a perfect pass to Ja’Marr Chase to set up the game-winning field goal.
As such, Burrow became the first quarterback in NFL history to take nine sacks in a playoff game and win. Nevertheless, this is a guy who is 1) the franchise quarterback taken with the No. 1 pick who 2) led the Bengals to their first playoff win in 31 years and 3) led the Bengals to their first postseason road win EVER.
PROTECT THAT MAN AT ALL COSTS, BENGALS.
Special teams matter
The Bengals scored one touchdown and still beat the No. 1 seed in the AFC because rookie kicker Evan McPherson went 4-for-4 on his field goal tries and said, like a cool guy walking away from an explosion, this right before lining up for the game-winner:
You can’t fault the Bengals for gloating a bit afterward, considering the criticism they received for drafting McPherson in the fifth round. McPherson’s walk-off field goal came just three weeks after his game-winning kick against the Chiefs (the Bengals, smartly, did not give Patrick Mahomes any time to work with) — who are also the Bengals’ next opponent.
McPherson’s kick set the tone for the rest of the weekend’s slate. In the next game, Robbie Gould, who has never missed a field goal in the postseason, won it for the 49ers when his 45-yarder with zeros on the clock sailed through the uprights at Lambeau Field. Gould came up big for a Niners team that did not score an offensive touchdown all night, but the special teams in general decided that game.
The Packers’ special teams woes were like the Chekhov’s gun of their season — you knew it was lurking in the background but you weren’t sure when it would take centerstage. Green Bay’s special teams unit was ranked dead last in the NFL this year, so it was only fitting that it cost them another shot at the NFC title game. First, the 49ers blocked a Mason Crosby field goal try right before the half that would have given the home team a 10-0 lead. Then, shortly after turning the ball over on downs, San Francisco blocked a punt and returned it for a touchdown to even the score in the fourth quarter.
That changed the tide of the game and ultimately led to Gould’s game-winner, which the Packers managed to screw up too:
The defending Super Bowl champs did not have a banner special teams day, either. Even worse for them is they were vanquished by their former kicker.
The Rams allowed us to finally count out Touchdown Tom for good when Matt Gay nailed a 30-yarder as time expired in an ultimate revenge game. The Bucs drafted Gay in 2019 with a fifth-round pick, but he struggled in his rookie season and lost the job to Ryan Succop the following year. This year, Gay led the NFC in field goal percentage and was named to the Pro Bowl.
Whether it was Tom Brady devil magic or the Bucs’ kicker curse striking again, Gay uncharacteristically was short on a 47-yard field goal that would’ve given the Rams a three-score lead more than halfway through the fourth quarter. Tampa tied it up with less than a minute remaining, but Matthew Stafford gave Gay a chance for redemption and he came through.
Later on Sunday, Harrison Butker also redeemed himself. The normally reliable Chiefs kicker missed a 50-yard try right before halftime that kept the score tied. Thirty minutes of game time after that, Butker’s 49-yard field goal, part of a madcap final two minutes of regulation, sent the Chiefs to overtime … and, minutes later, a win because Josh Allen called tails.
Gotta squib kick that, Sean McDermott
There is a lot of blame to go around for the Bills losing to the Chiefs in a barnburner we’ll be talking about for ages: the defense’s poor tackling for most of the game; Sean McDermott for punting on fourth-and-1 halfway through the third quarter; the NFL for having a garbage overtime system so dependent on the luck of a coin toss.
But let’s focus on those final 13 seconds, when Patrick Mahomes exploited the Buffalo defense in the blink of an eye, first by finding Tyreek Hill for a 19-yard gain (thanks, four-man rush!) and then Travis Kelce for 25 more. And just like that, the Chiefs were in field goal range.
The defense’s effort is at fault, but McDermott shouldn’t have put them in that position in the first place. After Josh Allen catapulted a touchdown pass to Gabriel Davis with 13 seconds left, the Bills kicked off to the Chiefs with a three-point lead. Even though a squib kick would’ve taken time off the clock, the Bills kicked it through the end zone. So the clock remained at 13 seconds, just enough time for Mahomes to break their hearts.
More painfully, McDermott offered no explanation for his decision after:
I’m so sorry, Bills fans.
Thank god we get a break from Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers
It’s been entirely too long since Championship Weekend hasn’t included either Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers:
It’s been even longer — 2003 — since a conference championship game hasn’t involved Brady, Rodgers, Ben Roethlisberger, or Peyton Manning.
I almost jinxed it, too. When the Bucs turned the ball over on downs with 4:31 to go and trailing by two touchdowns, I typed out in my notes “No more Tom Brady in the playoffs!” One punt, one fumble, and two touchdowns later, the game was tied. (After the Cam Akers fumble, I deleted my note!) Luckily, the Rams finally got out of their own way and are now headed back home to host the NFC title game.
I don’t know if that was the last time we’ll see Brady on a football field, but I doubt it. Either way, the dude has enough Super Bowl wins, and I’d very much like for a new quarterback to get his first ring. Three of the four remaining quarterbacks fit that bill.
Thankfully, the one remaining quarterback who has a Super Bowl ring is Patrick Mahomes, a likable fellow who is fun to watch and who has been open about why he got the Covid vaccine and, later, the booster shot.
So basically the opposite of Aaron Rodgers, who is now being treated to a nice big dose of karmic retribution. Rodgers could have, like his teammate Allen Lazard, not gotten vaccinated (unwise but ultimately his choice) and simply shut up about it. But nooooo, Rodgers kept doubling down on all his awful opinions, undoing any goodwill he might have built up with the general NFL audience.
He peddled dangerous misinformation despite having a large, influential platform. He tried to make himself the victim even though he lied. He led an unfair attack against a female reporter and remained unapologetic. He took digs at Joe Biden that echoed, all horseshoe theory-like, both performative leftist AND bad-faith right-winger talking points. He got off on “triggering” those who call him out on his BS.
This guy SUCKS.
I felt both relief and immense satisfaction when Rodgers, once again, was sent packing in the playoffs. Rodgers fell to 0-4 against the 49ers in the postseason, nearly 17 years after vowing they’d regret not drafting him and two years after wishing he could play against them in the snow:
And while the Packers’ disaster of a special teams unit was the main culprit, their loss was also partially on Rodgers, who tried to play hero ball. Now I will overlook Rodgers’ role in the loss for a second to share this gem of a joke:
Usually, I quickly tire out of everyone making the same jokes, but I couldn’t get enough of the ones directed at Rodgers after Green Bay lost, and I wasn’t alone. The schadenfreude was contagious and gleeful. The nicknames — Throw Rogan. QAaron. Rush Lambeau. Breitbart Starr. The cancel culture and snowflake references. This tweet:
Keep them coming. Crappy men getting their comeuppance never gets old. — SH
Christian’s Shit List
All the things I hated in the NFL’s Divisional Round.
1. The NFL’s overtime rules, because duh
I don’t feel especially badly for the Bills. They had the league’s top defense and managed to allow the Chiefs to gain 44 yards in 10 seconds to set up a game-tying field goal at the end of regulation. They aren’t blameless in this loss.
But man, I am bummed we didn’t get a college football-style OT shootout between Patrick Mahomes and Josh Allen, the two of which were on some absolute virtuoso magic in Kansas City last night.
That’s not the actual final score, but the stats are absurd. Allen and Mahomes added a point to the scoreboard every two plays. This wasn’t old man Drew Brees vs. Mitchell Trubisky on Nickelodeon. This was the marquee matchup the league can build on for years to come. This was John Travolta and Nicolas Cage in Face/Off. AND ALLEN DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH THE BALL IN OVERTIME.
This wasn’t fair. Mahomes should have had 600 total yards. Gabriel Davis should have had eight touchdowns. We should have seen defenders praying to the gods of cardio after every successful tackle.
Instead we got the Kansas City game-winning drive we all knew was coming. Boo.
2. The Buccaneers’ secondary, now the property of Matthew Stafford
Matthew Stafford toyed with Tampa’s defensive backs all afternoon in the Rams’ near-collapse. His 70-yard touchdown to Cooper Kupp was a product of Stafford staring down the middle of the field, waiting for Kupp to clear zone coverage, and then running past Mike Edwards’ truly regrettable tackling form.
This led to a situation where Stafford’s veteran wherewithal created massive opportunities with his eyes against a young secondary that struggled to find its confidence. This 17-yard gain to Odell Beckham Jr. was a masterclass in stringing a cornerback along:
There was no need to look anyone off on the 44-yard strike to Kupp that wound up winning the game for the Rams, however. The Buccaneers called a cover-0 blitz, but not everyone knew about it. The All-Pro wideout escaped through the haze and Stafford hit him easily to avert disaster and prevent a decade of 27-3 jokes at LA’s expense.
3. Poor Josh Wells
Wells, a veteran backup swing tackle, was forced into duty thanks to All-Pro Tristan Wirfs’ absence. The Rams understood this and slid Aaron Donald to defensive end, because that’s the kind of thing you can do with Aaron Donald; just move him to an entirely different position and watch him destroy everything in his path anyway.
Donald had a sack, two tackles for loss, and three quarterback hits to keep Brady from getting into his groove before the third quarter.
4. Mike McCarthy, still
The Chiefs drove 44 yards and kicked a game-tying field goal in 13 seconds. Dak Prescott’s amazingly short-sighted quarterback sneak at the end of 49ers-Cowboys took at least 14.
5. Green Bay’s special teams and offense
Bars across Wisconsin hand out green Jell-O shots every time the Packers score a touchdown in the playoffs. I cannot imagine the surplus currently wasting away in walk-in fridges after that pathetic display. The 49ers scored zero offensive touchdowns and Aaron Rodgers still lost at home. At least the post-defeat jokes at his expense, one of the few things able to unite sports Twitter, were solid. — CD
Divisional Round results, in 1 word
Bengals 19, Titans 16
49ers 13, Packers 10
Rams 30, Bucs 27
WOW!
Chiefs 42, Bills 36 (OT)