Which play would fetch the most $$$ in an NFL version of Top Shot?
Someone's gonna make a million dollars buying and selling Derrick Henry stiffarms.
We’ve all heard of NBA Top Shot by now, right? The digital collectible that uses blockchain technology to create unique highlight “moments” of publicly available NBA highlights? The quickly rising marketplace where a clip of Ja Morant absolutely demoralizing Aron Baynes with a dunk can fetch $100,000?
If not, let’s categorize it as something like “Bitcoin Beanie Babies, but with hologram sports cards and a touch of all that recent GameStop drama.” That’s a bit reductive, but we’re not here to dissect a growing bubble that could either shoot some collectors to riches or leave others holding the bag. We’re here because:
The NFL laughs when a butcher, presented a pig, wastes the squeal and
The league has a similarly rapid fanbase and similarly star-laden galaxy, allowing for the easiest possible porting of a new money-making avenue.
It can’t possibly be long before Top Shot’s technology is applied to NFL highlights. Soon, collectors will be bidding on a pack of moments that include:
Three common clips of Sony Michel gaining 2, 3, and 2 yards
A rare highlight of Jameis Winston, squinting at the field as Taysom Hill frolics in the background
A legendary, micro-produced highlight of a seven-yard Anthony Firkser touchdown against the Texans.
Within three days, the contents of this pack will be worth $25,000.
The Top Shot landscape is a world where a LeBron James dunk can sell for more than $200,000 and sellers can ask for a quarter million dollars to watch Luke Kornet take to the sky.
There will be a multitude of exasperated tweets when the NFL version of the craze sees a J.K. Dobbins juke auction off for five figures one night. This will be the introduction to the bubble for many folks, and it will only be the shallow end of an Olympic-sized pool of wonderment. There’s going to be a massive market for whatever football throws into the blockchain highlight trading card swamp. If the early stages of Top Shot are any indication, these will be the blue-chip stocks that drive an insatiable market cap.
10. Carlton Davis defending Michael Thomas in the NFC Divisional Round
The moment will be casually referred to as the “Slant Boy.” Its value will skyrocket based primarily on Thomas' extremely online hatred of it.
9. Chase Claypool doing something rad
8. Justin Jefferson griddys (griddies?) his way to his first NFL touchdown
Getting in on the ground floor with young players is a massive part of the Top Shot craze. Here we’ve got future All-Pro Jefferson not just abusing the Titans secondary, but also incorporating another viral craze with a Tik Tok dance into the end zone. A+ performance, A+ moment.
Claypool doesn’t possess the same style points, but hooooo buddy there are a half-dozen clips of him scoring touchdowns from 25+ yards out. Some Yinzer will miss out on his chance to be a millionaire because he’ll cherish his precious Mapletron moments too long, demanding the world meet his asking price of “three million dollars and my own Primanti’s franchise.” He will tell all his friends this story ad infinitum, in the world’s least attractive accent, while chain smoking stale Winstons and curling Iron City pounders, the beer that tastes like buttered popcorn.
7. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING JOSH ALLEN
I do not know what the per capita income is in western New York. I do know 30 percent of it will be tied up in Josh Allen Top Shots, joining a diverse local portfolio of cinnamon whiskey, break-away table manufacturers, and sex toys you can write Tom Brady jokes on. BILLS MAFIA, SON.
6. Aaron Donald destroys Jared Goff (2021 EXCLUSIVE)
The Rams play the Lions next fall. When that happens, something like this will happen roughly every third play:
Donald is going to stand at the line of scrimmage, see the man who threw the fourth quarter interception that cost him a Super Bowl parade, and become Undertaker levels of invulnerable. The Detroit backfield is going to be a crime scene. I just pray it’s a primetime game.
5. Michael Dickson doing something funky
Someone is trying to sell that Kornet dunk for $250,000. Reddit made GameStop shares worth more than $400 apiece at one point, There’s a weird meme economy brewing. Why shouldn’t it apply to the Australian who spins the ball off his foot with more English than a drunk snooker pro? Who’s to say a drop kick kickoff isn’t worth as much as a modest midwestern home?
4. Lamar Jackson deciding “f*** it, I’ll do it myself”
Top Shot is probably gonna be pretty rough on the Titans defense. That’s okay! Lamar Jackson only had one touchdown in this year’s playoffs and it was this masterpiece. Hang it in the Louvre. Or reduce it to an eight-second clip and sell it for five figures. Whatever.
3. Patrick Mahomes throwing the ball left-handed to lead a game-winning drive
Or Patrick Mahomes throwing the ball 40 yards from this angle:
Or Patrick Mahomes casually throwing a football the length of the entire field:
Or literally just any of these:
Mahomes is gonna be on here a lot, is what I’m saying.
2. A thousand different Derrick Henry stiffarms
Disrespect is huge in the Top Shot game. That Morant clip is worth six figures because he stole Baynes’ soul. The most expensive Zion Williamson moment to date is his first-ever block, an act rooted in erasing another player’s attempt to matter from the box score.
This will create a tremendous market for El Tractorcito. His currency is disrespect. He seeks out tired defenders and hits them so hard the laws of gravity briefly give up out of pity. There are men who, after being run over by Henry, return home to find the flowers in their front yard have spontaneously wilted. Birds stop chirping when they come near. All chocolate tastes like dark chocolate to them, the sweetness having abandoned them long ago.
The good news is there are several unique moments of Henry absolutely crushing 250-pound men who made the fool’s gambit of trying to stop him. The bad news is they will all cost $50,000 and up seconds after their release. The fact there are so many to choose from may be the only thing that keeps NFL Top Shot from becoming a Henry singularity. Like Mahomes, he’ll be an economy unto himself.
1b. Tom Brady softball pitches the by-god Lombardi Trophy over a body of water for no reason
1a. Tom Brady being drunkenly walked back to his mansion or hyperbaric chamber or whatever moments after said trophy toss
Easily worth a million bucks. — CD
You and me, we come from different worlds
While I’m enjoying the comeback of certain 90s rock songs in 2021, I still did a double take when I saw this news:
It was like a Mad Libs game come to life: [Current popular artist] covers [former hit song] for [video game franchise]’s [number]th anniversary.
Despite my initial reticence, I listened to Post Malone’s version and found it to be a perfectly pleasant cover of a perfectly pleasant song. It felt modern but also held true to the spirit of the original, with only one major alteration: Post Malone changed the lyrics from “the Dolphins make me cry” to “the Cowboys make me cry.”
Here’s where I make an embarrassing confession: I never realized Darius Rucker was referring to the *Miami* Dolphins with those lyrics. I assumed it was lowercase dolphins, not proper noun Dolphins. And it made total sense to me, someone who at one point went through a bit of a dolphin phase (haven’t we all? They’re our friends!).
It’s to my great shame to admit that. I’m a trivia fan, and I’d consider myself a full-on buff in any 90s pop culture category. I remember the SportsCenter-themed music video too, which included Rucker trying and failing to catch a pass from Dan Marino, but I guess I thought it was sort of a play on words?
Clearly, I’m not up to speed on my Hootie knowledge, because a quick Google search shows that Rucker has discussed his Dolphins fandom quite a bit over the years. He has a tattoo of their logo on his hip, named his daughter Dani after Marino, and even came up with that aforementioned lyric after a conversation with his mom, who gave him grief for being in a bad mood about the Dolphins losing a game (relatable).
It’s fitting that Post Malone switched the lyrics to the Cowboys considering how Rucker became a Dolphins fan in the first place. He adopted the Dolphins when they played the Cowboys in Super Bowl VI. While his family rooted for the Cowboys, five-year-old Darius decided to be a contrarian and cheer for the other team. The Cowboys prevailed that night, but he remained true to the Dolphins, who went on to win the next two Super Bowls. Unfortunately for him, that title 47 years ago was the last time they’ve been called champions.
But at least Rucker can actually remember his team winning a Super Bowl. The same can’t be said for Post Malone, who moved to Texas as a kid and whose father works in the AT&T Stadium concessions department. Like “Only Wanna Be With You,” Post Malone was released into the world in July 1995, during the height of the “America’s Team” craze. Six months later, the Cowboys took home their third Lombardi Trophy in four years. They haven’t been back to the Super Bowl since. Heck, they haven’t even appeared in the NFC Championship Game since.
Maybe Post Malone is hoping to reverse-jinx the Cowboys, but that hasn’t worked out for Rucker’s team. The Dolphins haven’t made it out of the Divisional Round in almost 30 years, before Cracked Rear View even came out.
At the very least, Post Malone gave us a Rucker-approved rendition of a feel-good nostalgia song, AND I learned a new piece of trivia. I also realized I should go easy on others when they don’t know, for example, that Elizabeth Olsen is the younger sister of the Olsen twins. It happens to us all every once in a while: what seems like an obvious connection can go over our heads. — SH
man we rise alive is a popular song