NFL Week 3: Waiting all day for Brain Fart Sunday
This week had nearly every mistake imaginable: a butt punt, safeties, and even Tom Brady screwing up.
We are three weeks into the season, and the only remaining undefeated teams are the Dolphins, Eagles, and Giants (pending their Monday Night Football showdown with the Cowboys). And the Raiders are the only ones sitting at 0-3. Who would have guessed any of that?!
(The Texans are also winless at 0-2-1, but that hardly comes as a surprise to anyone.)
This Sunday, we saw a couple of teams finally get a taste of success after a bit of hard luck in the first two weeks, while others faced their first real setback of the season. The Colts and Bengals earned their first win, and though it’s too soon to say if they’ve turned things around, both looked much more like the version we expected them to be this year.
At the other end of the spectrum, the Bills, Chiefs, and Bucs suffered their first defeat. I’m not worried about any of them in the long term, though. Their downfall this week was a bad combination of injuries, missed opportunities, and uncharacteristic blunders.
On that note, the one dominant theme this week was the number of dumb decisions made throughout the league. In fact, there were so many that I’ve decided to dub it “Brain Fart Sunday.” Let’s take a look at some of those lowlights.
The Brain Fartiest moments from Week 3
If I included every head-scratching mistake that I witnessed on Sunday, I’d still be writing this newsletter. So I’m going to focus on the most egregious … and most hilarious.
The Mark Sanchez tribute: The Dolphins’ butt punt safety
The Dolphins were holding a tenuous four-point lead over the Bills with 1:33 left in the game when they had to punt out of their own end zone. I guess Thomas Morstead took that a little too literally because his punt went off his teammate’s end zone (his butt, I’m talking about his butt):
(That teammate, Trent Sherfield, didn’t seem to mind.)
The safety cut Buffalo’s deficit to two points, meaning Josh Allen just needed to steer the Bills into field goal range for a potential win. Luckily for the Dolphins, that didn’t happen (more on that later). So their butt punt is a harmless goof we can all, even Mark Sanchez, laugh about.
Unlike the next one on this list …
The Dan Orlovsky tribute: Jimmy Garoppolo’s out-of-bounds safety
OK, we can still laugh about this, just probably not around any 49ers fans. In the third quarter of a preseason-like slapfight on Sunday Night Football, the Niners were leading the Broncos 7-3. Then Jimmy Garoppolo stepped out of bounds for a safety:
Immediately, NFL fans flashed back to Dan Orlovsky’s most infamous NFL moment, when he ran out of the back of the end zone for a safety in a 12-10 loss for the Lions. Just like then, Jimmy G’s gaffe ended up being the difference of the game; San Francisco lost 11-10.
On the other hand, if he hadn’t stepped out of bounds, Garoppolo’s pass would’ve been a pick-six, so no matter what, it was going to be a costly snafu. At least this way, Orlovsky can feel like he’s no longer alone.
DO count out Touchdown Tom: Tom Brady’s delay-of-game penalty
Once again, the Bucs — down several offensive linemen and receivers — had trouble conjuring up any sort of offense. But their defense was keeping them in a tight, low-scoring contest with the Packers. Tom Brady, as he has done a bajillion times in his bajillion-year career, led his team down the field for a late touchdown.
With 14 seconds left, they just needed a two-point conversion to send the game to overtime. Except Brady, as he has done so rarely in that bajillion-year career, screwed up. Or his backup center screwed up. Or they both screwed up, who knows. The point is that Tampa was called for a delay of game, when it looked like Leonard Fournette would’ve easily converted the two-point try:
Brady’s pass on the second attempt was tipped and fell incomplete, clinching the Bucs’ first loss of the season.
Snap out of it: The Bills at the end of both halves
It’s hard to pick just one glaring mistake that the Bills made on Sunday, because they made so dang many. That explains why they dominated the Dolphins in offensive plays (90 vs. 39), total yards (497 vs. 212), and time of possession (40:40 vs.19:20) and still lost. Well, that and the Miami heat.
So I’m choosing to highlight two errors committed by Josh Allen and Co., but only because they were so similar.
No, I didn’t settle on Allen’s fumble deep in his own territory that set the Dolphins up for their first touchdown. Or Tyler Bass’ first missed kick of the season, a 38-yard field goal attempt. Or Matt Milano dropping a would-be pick-six. Or Gabe Davis dropping a would-be touchdown. Or Allen’s “Ben Roethlisberger in 2021”-esque throw on fourth-and-goal.
Instead, I’d like to look at how the Bills ended both the first half and the second half on Sunday afternoon. Buffalo was dealing with a slew of injuries, including not having center Mitch Morse in the lineup. That was important on the Bills’ final drive before halftime. With a second left on the clock and in field goal range, Allen wanted to spike the football, but a botched exchange between him and backup Greg Van Roten led Allen to improvise — and almost throw a pick-six:
Stefon Diggs caught the ball and ran out of bounds, but it was too late. The clock had expired, and the Bills didn’t get a chance to take a lead into the locker room.
Nearly 30 minutes of game time later, the Bills were at midfield and were trying to set up Bass for a potential game-winning kick. Backup tackle David Quessenberry was hit with a 10-yard penalty on second down that pushed the Bills back, though they still had time to make a play. With 18 seconds left, Allen scrambled out of a sack and found Isaiah McKenzie, who tried to gain some valuable yardage AND get out of bounds before the clock expired. It didn’t work, and the Bills didn’t have enough time to spike the ball and get a final play off.
No wonder Ken Dorsey lost his cool, as if he had stumbled upon a replay of the 2003 Fiesta Bowl:
The Bills have now lost seven straight one-score games, dating back to January 2021.
Maybe leave the throwing part to Patrick Mahomes: The Chiefs’ fake FG fails
Like the Bills, the Chiefs couldn’t stop shooting themselves in the foot — and those missteps caught up to them late in the game. Skyy Moore’s muffed punt on the second drive of the day really set the tone for Kansas City, who fell behind early to the Colts but took a lead in the second quarter.
That lead could’ve been bigger, except the Chiefs played it conservatively before the half, much to Patrick Mahomes’ displeasure.
Still, KC had a chance to expand that four-point lead again at the start of the fourth quarter. On fourth down, the Chiefs were lined up for a field goal but opted to fake it. Punter Tommy Townsend missed tight end Noah Gray and the Colts took over:
I understand that, on a rough day for Kansas City’s special teams, Andy Reid might not want to try a field goal. After all, his backup kicker went on to miss a field goal on their next possession. But if you need 10 yards and want to throw for it, maybe just use, I dunno, PATRICK MAHOMES, one of the best (if not the best) quarterbacks in the world?!
If you really wanted to call a trick play there, well, he’s pretty good at executing those too.
At least Reid owned up his mistake afterward.
The interception that probably cost the Texans another tie: Davis Mills’ pick at the end
As ugly as the 49ers-Broncos clash was, it had some competition for most unwatchable game of the day, thanks to the Bears and Texans. After a couple of scoring drives to open up the second half, the score was knotted up at 20-20. Then both offenses stalled. Justin Fields threw a terrible pick (his second of the afternoon, to the same player), and the teams traded punts in what seemed destined to be Houston’s second tie of the season.
Not so fast, said Davis Mills. He went full Carson Wentz and threw directly to an opposing defender at the worst possible time. In this case, on third-and-1 with just over a minute remaining:
Roquan Smith advanced the ball to the 12-yard line, where not even the Bears could blow it. Cairo Santos’ field goal was good to put Chicago, somehow, above .500.
The Lions are still the Lions: Dan Campbell’s late-game decision-making
As much positive change as Dan Campbell has made in Detroit, two things were clear after the Lions’ collapse against the Vikings: 1) Campbell still has a lot to learn about game management, and 2) the Lions’ losery DNA remains.
For much of the day, the Lions outplayed the Vikings, but in the pivotal moments of the game, Campbell and his team came up short. Campbell was aggressive often, and it usually paid off — the Lions were 4 of 6 on fourth-down attempts — except when it didn’t late. On fourth-and-1 at the Minnesota 30 with the Lions up by three points, Campbell decided to run the ball, probably because their kicker is shaky. Jamaal Williams was stuffed.
So when the Lions faced nearly the same situation with just over a minute remaining, Campbell played it safe. Or so he thought. On fourth-and-4, the Lions tried to settle for a field goal, but Austin Seibert’s kick was wide right.
Not that three points would’ve been the difference, because the Vikings needed just three plays to score the go-ahead touchdown. They were aided in part by Campbell using his final timeout as the clock was running, thus allowing Minnesota to set up its next play, which happened to be the TD.
In his postgame presser, Campbell admitted he had some regrets:
The Lions, who haven’t won away from Detroit since 2020, are still looking for their first road victory under Campbell. This time, he has himself to blame.