Picking a theme for each week of the 2024 NFL schedule

We now know what all 18 weeks look like, at least on paper.

It’s been a week since the NFL released the 2024 schedule, but I haven’t had time to fully examine the 272-game slate until now. You see, I had to send my laptop in for repairs last week, and while I’m more dependent on my phone than I’d like to be, there are certain activities that I refuse to do on it. 

I will not answer it if I don’t know who’s calling. I will not watch a video any longer than, say, five minutes on my phone, which at least means I got to enjoy the Chargers’ annual Oscars-worthy submission on release day and all its many Easter eggs. And I will absolutely not write more than about three sentences on it. I know that some college kids these days write entire papers on their phone, but I would sooner throw mine against the wall than attempt to do that. 

But I have my trusty MacBook back, good as new, and I’m finally ready to weigh in on all 18 weeks of the NFL schedule. Since I’m a little late to the party, I decided to have a bit of fun and pick a theme for each week, as things stand now. A lot can change before the season starts, and during it. At this point, though, these are my thoughts about the upcoming season.

Week 1

Theme: So we meet again

We are starting the season off on a fiery note. In the kickoff game on Thursday night, reigning NFL MVP Lamar Jackson and the Ravens will try to get a little payback against reigning Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs, who ousted Baltimore from the playoffs in the AFC title game.

On Sunday, the revengefest continues. Steelers OC Arthur Smith will head back to Atlanta to face his old team. Colts linebacker Zaire Franklin is counting down the days until he next plays against C.J. Stroud and the Texans. The Raiders will aim to quiet the Chargers’ social team and their continual (and hilarious) digs.

Amari Cooper will battle the Cowboys for the first time since they traded him to the Browns two years ago. To cap off the night, Matthew Stafford will once again lead the Rams against his former team at Ford Field, where the Lions came out on top in last season’s Wild Card Round.

And finally, the week wraps up on Monday Night Football, when Aaron Rodgers will hope to avoid the same fate he suffered last year at the same time. Fortunately for him, the Jets will not open the season at MetLife Stadium. Unfortunately for him, he’ll still be staring down Leonard Floyd, who inadvertently ended Rodgers’ 2023 season and now plays for the 49ers.

Week 2

Theme: Afternoon delight

In Week 1, the NFL will spread the games across four different days (including Friday) and two different continents (the Eagles and Packers will face off in Brazil, the league’s first ever contest in South America). In Week 2, the action is much more condensed.

A season-high 10 matchups will take place during the 1 p.m. ET window on Sunday, with only three following in the late-afternoon time slot. And on paper, only one of those 4 p.m. games looks decent: our latest edition of Bengals vs. Chiefs, this time with a healthy Joe Burrow. 

Week 3

Theme: Get some family time in

At first glance, this doesn’t seem like a very compelling week. And at second glance, too. Judging these matchup strictly by projected win totals, only two of them will pit two “likely” playoff teams against each other: Ravens vs. Cowboys (could be fun!) and Chiefs vs. Falcons (it’s fair to be skeptical of the latter, particularly when it involves primetime Kirk Cousins).

That doesn’t mean the other contests are guaranteed to be stinkers. Besides, win totals certainly don’t predict the future, as the Texans, Bucs, and Rams proved last year. Still, this is an early frontrunner for the most “skippable” week — go ahead and spend time with your family now because the NFL won’t let you when the holidays come around.

Week 4

Theme: Divisional rivalries “return”

The first three weeks of the season will feature just a handful of matchups between divisional foes. That changes in Week 4, which will showcase five. Some of them should be entertaining (Jaguars vs. Texans, Saints vs. Falcons). Some of them could be entertaining, but I probably wouldn’t get my hopes up (Cowboys vs. Giants, Vikings vs. Packers). And in the other one, the Chargers will come close to beating the Chiefs before ultimately falling by 1-3 points.

Week 5

Theme: Early seeding implications

No team is officially in or out of the postseason hunt in Week 5, but who wins or loses a game early in the season can affect the playoff picture come January. The Buccaneers and Falcons kick off the week on Thursday night in a matchup that could help decide the NFC South. The same is true in the AFC North, where the Bengals and Ravens face off for the first time all season. That will already be Baltimore’s fourth tough test of the season — the Ravens are set to take on the Chiefs, Cowboys, and Bills before then. 

Like the Ravens, the Bills and Texans won their division last season, which means they are scheduled to play against stiffer competition this season. And that includes this week, when the Texans host the Bills on Sunday afternoon. If both teams make it back to the playoffs, then the outcome will matter to the seeding in the AFC. 

If Houston falls short of expectations, however, then another AFC South squad will be waiting to take the crown. In that case, the Jaguars vs. Colts showdown, also on Sunday afternoon, could be important to the divisional race. 

Week 6

Theme: Playoffs? Don’t talk about playoffs

Of the 14 games on this week’s slate, just two are between teams that made it to the postseason last year: Eagles vs. Browns and Lions vs. Cowboys. Based on win expectancy, those two, plus Bills vs. Jets on Monday night, are the only matchups between projected playoff teams this year. (I still think we should perpetually be in “I’ll believe it when I see it” mode with the Jets.)

Those three are, by far, the highlights of the week. And you know Dan Campbell will cook up something with an offensive lineman to get his revenge against Dallas.

Week 7

Theme: Sunday afternoon funday

This week, all the games airing in primetime — or, in the case of Jaguars vs. Patriots, in the early morning — look like duds. But you should already plan to lounge on your couch all Sunday afternoon, with bangers in the early afternoon (Bengals vs. Browns, Texans vs. Packers) and the late afternoon (49ers vs. Chiefs). I’m not sure why Jets vs. Steelers got the Sunday Night Football treatment over the Super Bowl rematch, other than the fact that the NFL put a lot of stake in 40-year-old brainwormed Aaron Rodgers’ ability to stay healthy.

Week 8

Theme: QB draft party

If things go according to plan, Caleb Williams and Jayden Daniels will both be in the starting lineup when the Bears and Commanders square off in DC. It would be just the sixth time that QBs who went 1-2 in the draft have met on the field as rookies, though it’d be the third time since 2021.

A majority of the games in Week 8 will, barring injury, feature first-round quarterbacks on both sides. One notable exception is the Sunday Night Football clash between the Cowboys and 49ers. Dak Prescott and Brock Purdy were both Day 3 picks who were called into duty as rookies and flourished, eventually becoming MVP candidates (and could be again this year). That doesn’t mean it’s easy or common to find a high-caliber QB outside the first round, but they can be successful under the right circumstances.

Week 9

Theme: Poopfest no more

Two years ago, Jets vs. Texans would’ve been considered the typical Thursday Night Football poopfest, but not so this year — assuming everyone is healthy, that is. 

Hopefully both teams will get out of this one unscathed, though the NFL is kinda taunting the football gods by scheduling a Halloween night contest on the cursed turf of MetLife Stadium, where both Aaron Rodgers and C.J. Stroud suffered injuries in 2023. If the Texans and Jets play to their potential, then this could to be the best game of the week. The poopfest moniker can then go to Commanders-Giants or Patriots-Titans on Sunday afternoon.

Week 10

Theme: Football for the soul

I really don’t want to think about what our national mood will be a few days after Election Day. Probably not good! Football won’t solve our problems, but it can at least give us a short break from the more serious news. Luckily, there are games that can distract you in every time slot. OK, well maybe not the Giants vs. Panthers das spiel in Germany on Sunday morning. 

Otherwise, we have watchable contests on Thursday night (Bengals vs. Ravens), Sunday afternoon (Falcons vs. Saints, Eagles vs. Cowboys), Sunday night (Lions vs. Texans), and Monday night (Dolphins vs. Rams). For now, we’ll just ignore that half of those are hated rivals because we won’t need any more of that angry energy in the second week of November. 

Week 11

Theme: Bad blood

Whatever reprieve the NFL gives us from political turmoil will be short-lived because there will be a lot of animosity on display across the league the following week. We should always expect hostility in rivalry games —this week, that includes Commanders vs. Eagles, Bears vs. Packers, Ravens vs. Steelers, and Seahawks vs. 49ers.

But we should also be on guard for fireworks in a couple of other matchups. On Sunday, the Falcons will visit the Broncos and former (forever?) nemesis Sean Payton. Plus, for the second time in this calendar year, the Bills will host the Chiefs, who last time ended Buffalo’s season in heartbreaking fashion yet again. 

Then on Monday, the Governor’s Cup will be up for grabs in the Lone Star State in an in-state battle between the Texans and Cowboys.

Week 12

Theme: Rest up

A season-high six teams will have their bye the week before Thanksgiving, which means fewer games and more time to relax before the frantic nature of the holiday. There aren’t many “can’t miss” matchups this week — 49ers vs. Packers definitely qualifies but not much else, unless you’re really into the hype of another Harbaugh Bowl. However, there aren’t many “go ahead and skip” ones either. 

To sum it up, this is a good time to not stress out about football. Feel free to check in and out of the action as you see fit before the craziness of the following week. 

Week 13

Theme: Feeling thankful

Thanksgiving Day itself will consist of the usual tripleheader, but as of last year, the most NFL holiday has gotten even bigger with the addition of a Black Friday game. This year, the Raiders will encounter the Chiefs on Friday afternoon, which might appear like a one-sided affair until you remember the last time these two foes played each other. On Christmas Day, Vegas shocked an error-prone KC team that looked miles away from its eventual Super Bowl champ version. Anything can happen when you’re talking about a turkey hangover. 

There are enticing matchups all week long, from Dolphins vs. Packers on Thursday night to Eagles vs. Ravens on Sunday afternoon to 49ers vs. Bills on Sunday night. Well, almost all week long. I’m not optimistic that Browns vs. Broncos on Monday night will be must-watch TV, so that might be a good day to travel back from visiting family or shop the cyber sales.

Week 14

Theme: No multitasking required

After a jam-packed Thanksgiving week, we’re back to six more teams on their bye. Luckily, Week 14 will be a chance to catch your breath while also giving us a promising game in each time slot. The Lions will be back in action on Thursday for the second week in a row when they host the Packers. Another rivalry, Jets vs. Dolphins, will kick off Sunday afternoon (I have doubts that Kirk Cousins’ return to Minnesota, also at that time, will be “good” football).

In the late afternoon, the Bills and Rams will run up the scoreboard in LA, and Chargers vs. Chiefs — usually competitive and usually a KC win — will close things out in the evening. Then on Monday night, the Bengals and Cowboys will have playoffs on the mind when they clash in Dallas.

Week 15

Theme: Shenanigans time

The byes are now over, and all 32 teams will play each week for the rest of the regular season. This is the most important stretch for many of them, especially those looking to earn a playoff bid. And I can’t help but think that things will get a little weird this week. 

Perhaps it has less to do with the timing than with the specific matchups we’re getting in Week 15, when several franchises will go head to head against an opponent that keeps getting the best of them. The Rams will visit the 49ers at Levi Stadium, where last year they finally ended their nine-game regular season losing streak to San Francisco, though both teams were sitting their starters before the postseason. 

The Browns will host the Chiefs, who they haven’t beaten since 2012. In that time, all but one of their meetings, including once in the playoffs, were decided by one score. It’s a similar story in Detroit, where the Lions and Bills will play for just the 13th time ever. The Lions haven’t defeated the Bills since 2006, and their four losses to Buffalo in that span came by a total of nine points.

The Seahawks and Packers will renew their rivalry on Sunday night. Their series has been more evenly matched over the years, but you should still brace yourself for some wild antics. 

Week 16

Theme: Celebrate Christmas early

You can either choose to be annoyed that the NFL will air two games on Saturday at the same time as the expanded College Football Playoff, or you can embrace the two-screen life and mainline as much football as possible that day. 

I will choose the latter option. It’ll be a while until we know which college teams will be playing in the first round, but the NFL outings are set and you won’t find any complaints from me: Chiefs vs. Texans and Ravens vs. Steelers. In fact, only one matchup all week is between two opponents who are projected to be among the worst teams in the NFL this season (Cardinals vs. Panthers). Not a bad way to spend the lead-up to Christmas.

Week 17

Theme: The NFL is a Scrooge

Just days after the conclusion of Week 16, my attitude turns bitter toward the NFL. For four straight years, the league has scheduled at least one game on Christmas. You’d think that with Dec. 25 falling on a Wednesday this year, we’d be spared from the NFL taking over another holiday. Nope!

Not only did the NFL squeeze two games (Chiefs vs. Steelers, Ravens vs. Texans) into Christmas, but those will both air on Netflix, requiring diehard fans to add yet another streaming service to their subscription list. It’s simply greedy, and Roger Goodell and Co. know they can get away with it because people will watch no matter what.

Week 18

Theme: The deciding games

The final week of the regular season is more than seven months away, and none of the games have a kickoff time yet. But we already know two things: some teams will sit their starters, and at least one division, though probably more, won’t be decided until that last Sunday. 

Last year, the AFC East, AFC South, NFC East, and NFC South were all clinched in Week 18. It’s quite plausible that those same four will still be up for grabs once this season’s Week 18 rolls around, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if either the AFC North or NFC North is in play, either. Basically, I only feel confident that the Chiefs and 49ers will have sewn up the AFC West and NFC West, respectively, before the first week of January. If so, that will set us up for an exciting finish to the 2024 regular season.