Look at all these terrible f*****g quarterbacks
Plus, important beer recommendations and Von Miller's next stop.
Teams drafted a lot of bad quarterbacks in the first round from 2009 through 2016.
With the Carson Wentz trade on Thursday, one of the FUN FACT tweets floating around between, deservedly, posterizing Ted Cruz and the ones from Colts and Eagles fans both not really knowing how to feel about the trade was one pointing out that all of the quarterbacks drafted in the first round between 2009 and 2016 are no longer with the team that drafted them. Well, I’m no certified draft expert (it’s a self-certification process, obviously) and I’m pretty sure draft Twitter kinda hates me for being a dick all those years, but you don’t need to be a “draft guru” to see why those 22 signal callers are no longer with their team … they suck. Most of them.
Just take a look at the list (ordered by draft position by original team; players who are still active in bold):
2009
1:1 - Matthew Stafford, Lions
1:5 - Mark Sanchez, Jets
1:17 - Josh Freeman, Buccaneers
2010
1:1 - Sam Bradford, Rams
1:25 - Tim Tebow, Broncos
2011
1:1 - Cam Newton, Panthers
1:8 - Jake Locker, Titans
1:10 - Blaine Gabbert, Jaguars
1:12 - Christian Ponder, Vikings
2012
1:1 - Andrew Luck, Colts
1:2 - Robert Griffin III, Washington
1:8 - Ryan Tannehill, Dolphins
1:22 - Brandon Weeden, Browns.
2013
1:16 - EJ Manuel, Bills
2014
1:3 - Blake Bortles, Jaguars
1:22 - Johnny Manziel, Browns
1:32 - Teddy Bridgewater, Vikings.
2015
1:1 - Jameis Winston, Buccaneers
1:2 - Marcus Mariota, Titans
2016
1:1 - Jared Goff, Rams;
1:2 - Carson Wentz, Eagles
1:26 - Paxton Lynch, Broncos
I’m slightly amazed that Stafford is still playing, since injuries claimed so many of the other actually good players in this group. Most of his injury troubles were early in his career, so that probably helped save some tread. (He did miss half the season in 2019).
To me, Andrew Luck is the best player in this group. But that’s a pretty low bar to clear. If injuries hadn’t ruined him, with a little help from the Colts’ negligent handling of his shoulder injuries, he had the talent to be one of the best quarterbacks playing in the NFL, period.
The most WTF pick out of all those had to be EJ Manuel. I’ve never been keenly attuned to college football—Saturdays were my only day off during our days on the NFL desk—but he was a player on this list who kind of flew under the radar despite playing at Florida State and leading FSU to a championship. Like, even if you only casually followed college football, most of the quarterbacks on this list had somewhat notable college careers, but to me, Manuel was just a guy. Being drafted by the Bills and Doug Marrone is kind of a one-way ticket to bustville, so maybe the NFL was the problem in his case.
As of now, only three of those guys are ticketed for a starting job this year—Stafford, Tannehill, and Goff. Wentz, Cam Newton, and Teddy Bridgewater might be starting in 2021, but their status is still in limbo for now. Think about that—out of 22 players, only three are still viable starters (and that’s probably a generous assessment of Jared Goff).
But, hey, if you’re team’s pinning their hopes on drafting a first-round QB this year, I’m sure everything will work out just fine.
Von Miller *might* be a free agent in 2021. Should your team want him?
There’s a chance Von Miller, one-time Defensive Player of the Year, NFL All-Decade team honoree, and self-appointed Bronco “FOR LIFE” may not be a Bronco for life.
Reports broke Tuesday that Denver would decline the 31-year-old pass rusher’s $18 million team option, potentially making him a free agent in the same offseason both J.J. Watt and Kawann Short were cut. There’s been no official word from the Broncos and the two sides could come to a contract extension or restructuring that would pay Miller less in 2021 but also lock him in for two or more new seasons in Colorado. Still, that hasn’t stopped some incredibly thirsty fans and former players from picturing the star outside linebacker in their team’s colors:
This leaves a couple questions to be answered. Do the Broncos want Miller back on an eight-figure salary? And if they don’t, which teams could be in the running for his services?
Why the Broncos could make a clean break with Miller
Von Miller has been around for a while. His all-time sack compilation video runs more than 12 minutes long. The first one is against a rookie Andy Dalton. Philip Rivers makes so many appearances he should have his own bumper music and title cards in this thing.
That clip highlights what makes Miller so great. He’s powerful, certainly, but his pass rush wins are the result of the leverage his speed along the edge creates. If a tackle can’t keep up, he’ll explode right past them in a crescent toward the pocket. If that blocker begins to cheat outside to cut off this attack, he can pivot inside with a single step and explode toward the quarterback. You either have to match his speed, double-team him, or just hold him and hope no one notices.
This is the kind of pass rush opposing offenses have to go out of their way to plan against, but it’s also dependent on having a 250-pound man with otherworldly athleticism. Miller will be 32 years old next fall and coming off a season-killing injury that, well, I’ll let NFL.com’s Adam Maya explain it:
“An MRI on the Broncos star linebacker revealed a dislocated peroneal tendon, NFL Network Insider Ian Rapoport and NFL Network's Mike Garafolo reported. In layman's terms, Miller's tendon flipped over the ankle bone. Rapoport added the best option for such an injury is usually surgery, with a general recovery time of 5-6 months; a best-case scenario is three months.”
Gaaaaaah.
That’s bad news for a player whose success is entwined with his ability to use elite lateral movement to leave blockers punching at ghosts. There’s a chance that skill was dwindling even before the injury. His eight sacks in 2019 were a full season career low, as were his 20 QB hits. It also bears mentioning he faced only three teams that fall with top 10 offensive lines, per Pro Football Focus. He did rack up 1.5 sacks and three QB hits against the Colts and Jacoby Brissett, but also got shut out against a savvier Aaron Rodgers.
The Denver passing defense still nearly clocked in as a top 10 unit in 2020, actually improving on 2019 despite Miller’s absence. The team’s pressure rate of 26.2 percent was seventh-best in the league, up from 22.9 percent despite blitzing less often than the NFL average. The aging pass rusher may have been the difference between a good defense and a great one had he played … or his absence may have allowed head coach Vic Fangio and the team’s other defenders to shine elsewhere.
If the Broncos think a decline is coming, they can move on from Miller while saving nearly $14 million in cap space. That’s money they could use to keep Pro Bowl safety Justin Simmons, who played last season on the franchise tag, in town with a long-term contract. It could also provide the space needed to acquire a high-priced passer to replace the ineffective Drew Lock once this year’s quarterback carousel starts spinning.
Fortunately for Denver, the team has options. GM John Elway is slated to have more than $30 million in cap space this spring, and there are several ways to keep Miller in the fold or, failing that, turn him into a tradable asset:
The Broncos probably *shouldn’t* get rid of Miller unless there’s something we don’t know about his rehab from last year’s ankle injury. In any given year, there are only 20-25 players who record at least 20 QB hits. Miller’s hit that mark every season in which he’s played at least 10 games. His 37 pressures in 2019 were 12th-most in the league, even though he recorded significantly fewer pass rushes than fellow EDGE guys like TJ Watt, Chandler Jones, and Shaq Barrett.
The price makes some sense, too. At $18 million, he wouldn’t even be getting paid like a top 10 pass rusher. If he’s healthy, his presence as a leader and fan favorite would help replace any lost value due to age.
If Denver and Miller can’t work things out, who would be interested?
Odds are any team connected to J.J. Watt would also be in the running for Miller. He’d likely command a similar salary on the open market as a veteran pass rusher with injury concerns. The Colts have a boatload of spending cash, even after trading for Carson Wentz.
Adding Miller to the mix would give Indianapolis a DeForest Buckner-Justin Houston-Darius Leonard-Miller quadrangle up front that would be scary for any AFC South team to face, though it would be a switch from Denver’s 3-4 to a likely defensive line spot for the veteran. Cleveland could offer a similar role crushing pockets across from Myles Garrett. He’d give the Browns the effective veteran edge rusher they thought they were getting in Olivier Vernon. Baltimore has never been shy about adding star veterans to its defense. Bringing Miller aboard could help soothe the sting of potentially losing Matt Judon and Yannick Ngakoue in free agency this spring.
Washington could continue to spend all its skill points on “PASS RUSH” by slotting him into Ryan Kerrigan’s old spot in a very winnable NFC East. He could chase a ring by joining Tom Brady in Tampa. He could tie up Seattle’s cap space and leave the Seahawks unable to bring in blockers for Russell Wilson (a proud Pete Carroll tradition) if he wanted to jump to the NFC West.
Short answer: everyone can use Von Miller, even at 85 percent of his peak. The question is whether the Broncos will keep him in orange or if their quest to erase three straight losing seasons will result in a veteran purge that makes him a free agent. If he’s anything close to healthy, I’d expect the former. -- CD
Beer review: Elysian, and stop me if you’ve heard this before, has a pretty good new IPA
I really like Elysian’s beers.
Well, that may not extend to the company’s entire brewing line, but I really, really like the Seattle company’s Space Dust IPA. I was introduced to it in, of all places, a strip mall bar in Indianapolis the night before the Indy 500. Months later, I made it a point to drop $14 on a sixer to bring to a friend’s house while visiting Rhode Island for the holidays.
So imagine my delight when Elysian attempted to break into the Wisconsin market by offering a buy-one, get-one on all their six packs. For about two years my basement had a dedicated corner where five or six cases of Space Dust, purchased at a lower cost than a 30-rack of Busch Light, sat waiting as the curveball in my beer-drinking arsenal. There are still at least a dozen sitting in my fridge. Despite the fact they’re roughly two years old by now, the only thing that suggests any kind of age is a light sediment toward the bottom.
This is a very longwinded way to say it’s good beer. But a few weeks ago, when Elysian reached out to see if I wanted to try their new imperial IPA, it was an easy yes (and hey, if you’ve got a brewery and want me to talk about your beer, for better or worse, HIT ME UP I ENJOY BEERS). Their new brew is an imperial hazy IPA, which immediately suggests “juicy, strong, and hoooo buddy if we didn’t do this right it’s gonna be a mess.” Fortunately for me, Elysian kinda crushed this one.
Let’s dig in:
Beer 1: Poured into a pint glass.
Oh right, the name of the beer! This is an Elysian Full Contact Imperial Hazy IPA. It pours with a medium head and smells great -- a little citrus, a little hoppy, but nothing overwhelming.
The first taste comes across really smoothly, but it’s clear this is just the road grader for the asphalt to come. The carbonation fizz gives way to a deeper flavor -- it gets more intense after you’ve swallowed. Full Contact throws out a juicy, vaguely floral network that disguises the bitterness of Elysian’s other hop-forward beers.
The can name-drops a bunch of flavors; honeydew, tangerine, peach, and vanilla cream soda. I’m not sure I get all of those, but there’s definitely a distinct fruit to the haziness. Like you’re trying to unlock a puzzle with your tongue, and in the middle there’s an orange you’re never gonna get to, but you’re pretty sure it’s there.
Hazy and juicy tend to be interchangeable when it comes to describing fancier-type IPAs, and this definitely fits. If we needed to update the old and impressively stupid “in the Soviet Union they drink flat orange soda every morning as orange juice” trope for modern times, we could probably swap in “Kyrgyzstan” and “old hazy IPAs” and maintain a similar level of poorly informed xenophobia.
No? Just me and my weird Rhode Island public school? Alright.
I used to hate IPAs and the pine tree whitewashing that comes with every sip. I chalk this up to having spent the early stages of my drinking life pounding down rotted cornwater and, on special occasions, the lager-ish godsend of Yuengling. I absolutely love it now, but I feel like Full Contact is a beer I’d also be into way back in the heady days of failing out of architecture school, too.
I was a little worried about the “imperial” part of this deal. Sometimes that means a beer that pours like motor oil and coats your stomach with bad intentions. Sometimes the flavor gets bum-rushed by the booziness and makes you feel like you should be drinking it from a 24 ounce can in a paper bag. Sometimes it’s a pretty good beer that your stomach immediately flags as “PROBLEM” and begins a heated internal dialogue telling every muscle in your body to cramp up in solidarity against your own stupid decisions.
Full Contact doesn’t hit any of those notes. In fact, the first one went down in roughly 10 minutes, which is notable for a slow drinker like me. Granted, this was because I’d been up since 6 am with a potty-training toddler and my entire brain had become a nonstop loop of a Jersey Shore screaming match, broadcast in 144p. This review was my deliverance. Daddy’s working, sweetie.
Beer 2: Sipped from a can with a “#17 Matt Kenseth DeWALT RACING” koozie keeping my hand warm and beer cold.
Still good! The fruit seems a little more intense out of the can, as though keeping the beer contained traps all that citrus sweetness. The smoothness is clutch here, showcasing the perceived difference between a double IPA (which I would be sipping more slowly) and this imperial. This goes down faster than you’d expect for a beer that clocks in at 8.8 percent ABV. Maybe faster than you’d want?
I dunno, for me it’s not a problem. I might like it better this way. This would be a great tailgate beer, if all baseball games lasted 45 minutes and were followed by immediate naptime. This would also make all Pirates games 1,000 times better.
Beer 3: Poured into a mason jar
That brain-holding Stonecutter is supposed to be “beckoning” us toward the beer. It looks like he’s about to summon a village to cast stones on me in order to secure a prosperous harvest. Aggressive can.
On THAT note, hoooo boy. This is where things are gonna get interesting. Space Dust clocks in at 7.5 percent ABV, and four of those usually puts me in a pretty good place. Full Contact is a heady 8.8. I’m interested to see where this review goes as the beer level drops. At 1.5 I was already moderately happy. This seems like a good sign.
I’m still going strong through my third. I’m not sick of this beer yet. That’s typically a concern, especially with hoppy beers. It’s not as sweet as a milkshake IPA or fruity as some of those slushy styles. It keeps enough of a classical profile to be unambiguously in the pale ale family, but it’s way more approachable, even with a big boozy resume, than some of the hop monsters out there. I’m not ready for bed, but I’m certainly more active on social media and texting friends about nothing as a result. This is great for me but not ideal for anyone in my phone. I suddenly have an opinion about the Arby’s “We Have the Meats” song. Take that as you will.
My lady friend, well versed in the art of Wisconsin beers, drank alongside me, leading to this exchange:
“I like it. It’s a very mellow IPA.”
“And it clocks in at nearly nine percent.”
“Whoooooa (scoffing sounds, big impressed eyes).”
It’s cool to see a West Coast brewery do well with a traditional New England beer type. As someone with a lot of beer snob friends back home in Rhode Island (they find time away from high-stress jobs teaching ninth graders badminton), there’s a lingering “specialness” attached to a style they’re happy to drop $42 on for a four-pack at a brewery exclusively staffed by white dudes in beanies and mustache wax. Getting a NEIPA styled beer that kicks ass outside of limited releases at old, refurbished textile mills is a win for everyone.
Full Contact came at the tail end of a fridge reload (see above) that dropped a ton of new beer onto my plate, including the well reviewed Half Acre Hallow double IPA (not pictured, it came later). Elysian’s newest offering was the best of anything I tried the past two weeks. By a pretty significant margin.
Rating: Pretty damn good. Living in Madison means I can’t go 10 miles in any direction without finding a great local brewery. Still, I’m gonna seek out Full Contact.