How the Pro Bowl is kinda like real football. Kinda
Even this flag football-heavy version of the all-star game has more in common with regular NFL action than you might realize.
I was without power for a few days at the end of last week after an ice storm rudely decided to descend upon my city. Although I wasn’t completely cut off from the outside world, it felt so disorienting, like it was happening in a parallel universe, whenever I caught up on the latest news, all while sitting in the dark and trying not to let my phone battery drain too quickly.
Tom Brady retired again, this time apparently for good. It was at least nice of him to wait until both the Falcons and Cowboys finally earned a W against him. If you want a sign that his career is truly over, then just look at clips from his last game — and probably before that — when he played as if terrified of getting hit.
The Texans, of all teams, made my favorite head coaching hire of the offseason by bringing DeMeco Ryans back home. The Broncos still don’t seem to have much of a plan, but maybe an established coach like Sean Payton will work where first-timers like Vance Joseph, Vic Fangio, and Nathaniel Hackett failed before him.
The defensive coordinator hires continue to be slam dunks. Less so for the offensive coordinator positions.
And, of course, the inaugural Pro Bowl Games were held in Las Vegas. I do not have strong opinions about the Pro Bowl itself, other than no one should take it too seriously. I hope the players have a good time (and maybe learn a thing or two in the process), and fans of all ages can just sit back and enjoy whatever silliness ensues. To me, it’s kinda like the clip show episode that was popular in the 80s and 90s: It’s not the same as regular football, but it’s better than nothing.
While I missed Thursday’s skills competition, it looked like innocuous fun from the outside. As luck (good or bad, you decide) would have it, my cable — which was out longer than my electricity — came back 30 minutes before Sunday’s Pro Bowl action. So I was able to watch the main event(s), as the NFC vs. AFC came down to the Kirk Cousins vs. Derek Carr, arguably the most Pro Bowl QB matchup possible.
And you know what? If you squint enough, you can see how the Pro Bowl Games kinda, sorta resembled real football.
The rules can be confusing, and the refs don’t always help
I’ll be honest, I didn’t bother learning the rules for the Pro Bowl’s version of flag football. I think that was true for the players as well. Jalen Ramsey “decleated” Tyreek Hill, who was taking a pitch from Davante Adams into the end zone, and earned an unnecessary roughness penalty:
But then again, maybe Ramsey knew *exactly* what he was doing.
Later (or earlier? Idk!), Geno Smith had a touchdown called back since he wasn’t allowed to run on the play because of a blitzer; the same thing happened to Tyler Huntley on a (non-TD) scramble.
Huntley* also “completed” a pass to Adams at one point that clearly hit the ground, but the refs let it count. No one knows what a catch is — same as it ever was.
Then, in the third and final flag football game, AFC coach Peyton Manning was screaming for a penalty when Cousins was trying to kneel out the game in an area near the end zone where running was prohibited:
Cousins said he got the go-ahead from the refs, who didn’t seem to know what they were doing most of the day. Kind of like last weekend!
*Huntley, despite some harsh criticism, acquitted himself well at the Pro Bowl and appeared to enjoy himself. Good for him!
The NFL is a brotherhood — and a competitive one at that
It’s only fitting that a week before the Kelce brothers are set to make Super Bowl history that the Pro Bowl featured a little sibling rivalry of its own.
Eli Manning one-upped Peyton as the coach of the NFC’s winning team and was a total little brother about it:
As we saw from Peyton’s outbursts at the refs, he really didn’t want to lose to Eli.
Last year, Stefon and Trevon Diggs were the stars of the Pro Bowl, and they did not disappoint in their follow up. In flag football, Stefon was looking to throw on a trick play, but his younger brother read it the entire way and snagged the interception:
Stefon made up for it later with a long and impressive touchdown catch, near Trevon:
The Bills receiver, who was much more upset the last time we saw him, then capped off his TD by playfully stealing a camera and acting as a photographer.
Unfortunately for the Digges, they were overshadowed in the best catch finals by another pair of brothers, Amon-Ra and Equanimeous St. Brown. The former recruited the latter (and the Lions mascot) to help him out in the NFL’s version of the dunk contest:
Am-Ron won over Pete Davidson and beat out Stefon, who couldn’t match his performance from Thursday. The event was a bit of a dud, but the potential is there for it to be a highlight in the future.
Oh yeah, these guys are incredible athletes
NFL players frequently wow us with their athletic feats, whether it’s Ja’Marr Chase making a leaping catch over two defenders or Micah Parsons throwing down an offensive lineman one-handed or Justin Fields running through and past every defender on the field.
Then you watch them in non-football activities, and it serves as a reminder of what marvels these players actually are: Terry McLaurin snatching a water balloon by his fingertips, Saquon Barkley dodging balls like he’s reenacting The Matrix, or Morgan Cox long-snapping the ball 25 yards to successfully complete a tic-tac-toe … excuse me, *kick*-tac-toe.
But the one guy who stood out the most with his freakishness was Panthers edge rusher Brian Burns, who is 6’5, 250 pounds, and moves as quickly and as an Infected on The Last of Us:
There’s no fungus in sight, though (at least I hope not).
Injuries can happen anytime
The NFL has altered the Pro Bowl over the years to try to avoid anyone suffering a major injury, like what happened to Tyler Eifert in 2016. While I appreciate the league’s efforts to make the Pro Bowl even less physical this year, Myles Garrett still managed to get hurt in the same skills competition as the one where Burns blew us away:
Thankfully, Garrett’s injury appears to be short term, and he has seven months until the new season starts.
Perhaps you see this as a reason to put an end to the Pro Bowl once and for all, but it wasn’t a contact injury and let me remind you that Darren McFadden was once injured when he fell on wet cement at a friend’s house. There’s no way for anyone to live a 100 percent risk-free life, especially professional athletes.
We can never escape Aaron Rodgers rumors
Davante Adams didn’t start the Rodgers-to-the-Raiders rumors, but he certainly added fuel to the fire over the weekend:
And now, I’d prefer to just ignore this storyline until anything official happens.